You've instilled your ethics in me,
taught me pain and rejection
called it 'hard love, the best kind
to give and get.'
Having it thrown at you
makes it that much easier
to toss it right back.
And since I could breathe
since I could walk
and eat and talk on my own,
you've hit and kicked
and bitched of the holes
in the canvas of your sky.
Like it's your design
made specially for
the forgotten child
in
us
all
but it's not yours to own.
We all see the same stars.
And I'll be damned
if I don't reach the one
that's got a little bit of love
left in its tired glow.
I don't care how distant hope is,
nothing is ever too far
and no, mother
you can't stomp that out of me.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Aahhhh...
parenting for the young adult. You're at an age now where you're probably getting some downward pressure to get your own place as if I remember correctly, you're living at home. Also, parents never cease being parents. A little hint, roll with it. Parents can't help but be who they are. They care and want to make sure you head in the right direction. It's ingrained in them. I am well out of the house and my mother still tries to mother me. To which I always reply, "yep, uh-huh...I'll get right on that, Mom" and then go and do whatever the Hell it was I had in mind to do anyway. I can't change her desire to parent. I'm cool with it, it lets me know she cares. But I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. I think it's nice that she shares her feelings with me, though.
It seems you feel your mother is trying to crush your dreams a bit, which we all do when our parents try to salt and pepper us with the reality of the dollar. Reality is: I can always make a buck as a plumber because everyone has to use the potty and get a drink of water. People don't need to read my artsy-fartsy poetry crap. It's not essential to life and it doesn't pay the bills. Least not how I need it to. When I read this, I have this image of mom telling you to get off the computer, give up your dreams of literary greatness for a bit and go get a job. Please don't hate me for guessing, but am I close? Just a guess, but it's what I saw, and I always try to be honest about what I think.
As always, this was teriffic and well-crafted. A pleasure to read.
Al
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:)
Thank you, Plumeister. Another wonderful comment to get from you.
And yes, you are correct, this is a reflection of the pressure my mother has always given me, as she has to.
The only difference now is that I'm not living at home anymore, I live with my boyfriend which is wonderful. But yes, all the other pressures are there as you pointed out.
And I know that it is only her duty to care for me and she expresses that the best way she knows how and through her mistakes and what she wishes she would have/could have/should have done.
My only problem is I can't stand her attempt to live through me. I love her and her care, she's gotten much better and not having to live at home makes this a lot easier for me.
Thanks again, I'm so glad to hear from you on this since I am experiencing yet another bout of writer's block.
Take care,
Kristin -
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Hey, you're welcome.
Sorry I didn't pick your poem apart and tell you how to rewrite it, but I feel you are an artist rather than a producer of poetry and as such only you have the mojo to make the necessary changes. Now, maybe that's a cop-out, but mainly I like to just tell a person what I got out of their write and whether it conveyed that message effectively. Because that's what I want in a review, "how did it make you feel?" "What did it make you think?" and "Did it do a good job in so doing?". That's all I really care about. Most technical suggestions are never in keeping with the timbre of the poem because no one is clued in to a work like it's creator. I like your work, Synth. It is very apparent to me that you have spent many hours honing your powers of expression out of an intrinsic love for the written word. That element of literary love shines in your expressions and metaphors as they are always intriguing and beautifully written. Of all the writers here, I'd definitely put you in the tops. You write honestly and very elegantly. Not too much, not too little, and oh so thankfully, not too much drama queen pomp. So this is me, giving you props.
Al -
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^_^
There's no way I can thank you enough for the words you've given me. You know, I needed to see this since my creative energy seems to be stagnant lately.
And I don't consider your comment a cop-out, there needs to be a balance of criticism and appreciation for the writer's original thoughts, I respect that about you. There are times that I don't want replacements, if I feel it can't be described better or more accurately I'd prefer much to say 'thanks for the suggestion but I really like this.' Now that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't want suggestions, I love them, need them even but more than anything I need to know that MY ideas are working and getting through to the reader. When writers can reach agreements with one another, well, I think that is one of the most beautiful things about this method of communication.
So again, thank you. You're one cool and thoughtful guy, Al.
Hope you're having a fine day.
Kristin
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We've been through harsh times and hard love is what they call it. We've grown to hear people complain about their lives, but we have the option to do better and see things better. And though there is very little light in that darkness, we cannot, and should not let others top us from pursuing that. Well, that's what i got from this poem. And yes, "(You) be dammned" if you don't reach it. Though we share our parents genes, it doesn't dictate who we are.
You've writing short, straight forward poems of recent.
-iphios -
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What you got from this is nothing short of completely correct, iphios, thank you.
I've had a lot of these sour feelings toward my mother as of late which is pretty obvious but something we all feel the need to vent on at times.
And yes, short and straight forward...different from most of what I write.
Thank you again. I hope to catch you on msn sometime soon.
Kristin
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