Celestial Reflections

Author notes

Remember me? I've had quite an absence while finishing my second novel but that is done now. As I edit and revise that little gem, I am reeled in once again by poetry. We are discussing the moon in my fourth grade class and I have been trying to get my students to write creative works about the moon. I penned this as an example to share with them. So, this marks my poetic re-entry into SharePoetry and hopefully I'll get my feet running here once again. =)

Comments

• By me, right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  Butterfly Beauty
  December 3, 2007
  
  Edit | Reply

  Astronomy is fascinating to me

  Wow how you have captured the moon, and taken it so far beyond into the realm of humans. I love how you describe the moon as the mirror that hovers above. That is so true. Lines 8 on describe me, or even all of us...
  
  revealing grandeur and pride, roaming independence,
  still harnessed by controlling hands maintaining the pattern; Gliding oh so seamlessly through familiar phases, predictable as always, yet scarred by shadows
  and dents from age and experience. Even when full,
  even while beaming, so much remains darkened
  and depth shies away. This mirror reflects the tempest within, faulty achievements and perfect flaws
  blended in the masterpiece I live. Through daily routines, both rising and setting, the moon looks at me...
  
  If you will permit me, these lines could describe me as a person, way deep down on the inside - the me I show to the world, and the me I only know secretly inside myself. These words resonate with me. I love this piece. I wouldn't change a thing. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

  language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
• 
  FransB
  November 1, 2007
  
  Edit | Reply
  An enjoyable poem. If the word 'moon' was left away, I surely would have read it as mirror's reflections of me! The characteristics displayed in the poem will for sure give you and the fourth grades something to talk about and of course to research further. To me, this poem would provide a great entry to any depth of discussion you would care to seek with your fourth graders. Best of luck - now is there any way we would get some feedback from your class - perhaps a poem or two? Frans.
• 
  Siaynoq
  October 31, 2007
  
  Edit | Reply
  This is a beautiful rendering of the moon; that celestial body which has been watching over us for so long, with it's gigantic silver eye.
  
  I particularly like descriptive phrases such as 'roaming independence,' 'revolutions in orbit' and '...yet scarred by shadows/ and dents from age and experience;' the last especially, as it hints at the symmetry between us and the moon with remarkable subtlety.
  
  I also like the following lines: 'even while beaming,/ so much remains darkened/ and depth shies away,' because this is such an accurate description of, dare I say it, a complicated person, who has many secrets and dark places, which, when one tries to investigate further, only '[shy] away' from closer examination.
  
  This is underlined with the following two lines, although I do wonder if they are strictly necessary, or if they don't offset the previous subtlety, as Lad said. However, I do think that you should keep the last line, 'for I am the moon', as it sums the poem up on a pensive, philosophical note, and eradicates any doubts the reader may have been experiencing.
  
  Overall, this is a very good poem, which captures the symmetry and similarities between ourselves and the moon, when some would think that there are none at all. Very obersvant, very thoughtful, and a job very well done.
  
  Samwise

  
• 
  Lad
  October 30, 2007
  
  Edit | Reply
  I think your students are lucky, Mark, to be stimulated not only by this sample for them to learn from, but by you as such a creative teacher.
  
  For me, the poem breathes with wonder at two mysteries, the moon and you, "blended in the masterpiece I live." You and the moon as one, and each reflect the other with what you both "cherish...fear...know," even mirroring both your "shadows and dents...age and experience." Even "while depth shies away" - a beautiful and provocative line for me.
  
  I can understand why you'd want that final line in the poem, because it would make the poem's meaning quite clear for 4th grade children. I'm just wondering (only my opinion, of course) if it's needed for an adult readership, since the whole poem already says that final thought very poetically and skilfully. Perhaps the poem might end less literally with something like:
  
  the moon looks at me...
  and me
  the moon. - or something like that?
  
  But that's just the merest thought in my head, Mark. The whole poem, even just as it is now, is a winner. GOOD poem! Glad you're back. And best of luck with your finished novel.
  
  Lad
  
  
• • 
    Mark McNulty
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks

    Thanks for the compliments and the critique, Lad. I am very aware that the vast majority of my writing has been prose and I lean heavily towards that style... I think it often pushes me to be more literal when I write poetry. Prose, for me, often struggles with a fear of not being understood but I believe I can move past that fear more easily in poetry. Breaking that sense that things need to be made explicitly clear and communicated directly is a tough task. That step away from the literal realm is very big one. Comments like this are very helpful and greatly appreciated as I work on my skills with poetry. Thanks!