If it be true that eyes
are windows to the soul
then surely my soul is
stained with blue...
bloodshot, weary, and worn.
It is centered around darkness,
a hollow, flexing pit of black
and sore from all that is bright.
Dry, hazy, and entirely too fragile
my soul must often be.
It is flawed, lacking focus,
struggling with accuracy,
and sometimes blind
to life on the left
and life on the right.
No, windows to the soul they are not.
Instead, they are the guardians,
absorbing the pain, the punishment,
and the bitter abuses
of a cold and unfeeling world,
protecting a boyish innocence
and passionate joy
that I harbor within.
Author notes
Quickly thought this one up tonight. Shorter and a bit lighter than what I usually do (or "attempt" to do) but I hope you still enjoy it. As always, I value and appreciate your honesty.
So... what do you think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is a great poem. Im sorry I didn't come across it sooner. Better late than never though. This is truly a unique approach you have addressed. I have never seen it written this way. It's truly a remarkable reflection. Very introspective of you.
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Thank you...
Thank you for the supportive words and your encouragement. I am glad you came across it and don't worry about not seeing it sooner... that is hardly a problem at all!
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Another very nicely executed meditation on the poet's part here, Mark. It has a skilfully balanced eye and pen between the inner and outer man, between what is and what ought to be. And then it moves to a hopeful self-acceptance, seeing those "windows" not as blurred with soiled blue so much as guardians against a hostile world - a sentiment I also feel daily about an increasingly wacked out world. Bravo, good poem that is tightly unified around one strong metaphor.
Perhaps "a cold and unfeeling world" is too much a cliche, too easy a phrase? Something more original might be more vivid? Just a minor thought on a very appealing poem.
Lad
PS: minor typo on "boyish" in the third-to-last line. -
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As always, many thanks...
Lad... just wanted to make sure I got a "thank you" in here for your review. The way you point out strengths while making suggestions in a helpful manner is ALWAYS appreciated on the deepest level. I am terrible at actually getting my notes of thanks in print on here but I am trying to catch up a bit now. So, please know that your comments on this poem and any others you've responded to are always valued and I am thankful for them. Now I just need to do a better job in going back and putting the suggestions to work rather than just surging ahead to the next new poem!
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This is very effective at an emotional level
... and for me both moving and sad. I love the extended metaphor, not just referred to at the start but working all the way through, and therefore showing skill and discipline - my favourite lines are
Dry, hazy, and and entirely too fragile
my soul must often be.
It is flawed, lacking focus,
struggling with accuracy,
and sometimes blind...
Superb, these. Delicate, concise, full of irony and regret ... beautiful, powerful, and mature.
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 3.
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Overdue thanks...
RA: It appears I did not get a note of thanks out to you yet for your comments on this poem. I hope you know that I am always grateful to read your thoughts, and I promise to try and get it down in public print on a more regular basis. Thanks!
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great
The first four lines were amazing. Well I mean so was the rest of it, but those in particular were just greatlanguage: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Glad you liked it...
Many thanks for the support and kind words. I am glad you enjoyed the poem so much and hopefully I can crank out a few more that equal its effectiveness. -
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This is a good poem because it contrasts, which seems to be your style, the physical with the spiritual. In comparing your eyes and your soul, you come up with some intriguing adjectives which may or may not be true. It also helps the reader to visualise the soul in a corporeal sense, which is refreshing. But, you dismiss all of this with 'No, windows to the soul they are not.'
The last third of the poem is as touching as it is true. It is easy to see the eyes as 'guardians', and you speak some plain truths when you describe the world as 'cold' and 'unfeeling'. The mention of a 'boyish innocence' and 'passionate' joy which you 'harbor within' is no doubt something which many of us can relate to.
I like the contrast here, and I like the message. Very well done.
Samwise
P.S. You typed the word 'and' twice in a part of this poem. I assume it was accidental. Perhaps you should delete the extra? -
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...and it is fixed. =)
Thank you for pointing out the double "and"... it was, indeed, an accident - one of my many typos.
More importantly, thank you for your thoughtful and thorough review. Any time I get comments as honest and sincere as this I am truly appreciative, I just forget to write that gratitude down far too often. I am grateful for your words of support, however, and look forward to your valued opinion in the future.
All my best to you and yours...
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Quite a deep poem Mark and great effort on your part for you to have gotten ( in my opinion ) such a skilled write out in such a small amount of time
It read out loud very well.
And you expressed yourself very well within your words
Stand out part for me was this ---
No, windows to the soul they are not.
Instead, they are the guardians,
absorbing the pain, the punishment,
and the bitter abuses
of a cold and unfeeling world,
protecting a boysih innocence
and passionate joy
that I harbor within.
We should all, no matter how old we are still have our childhood innocence within us
Excellent writing, I enjoyed the read
Cindy
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Thanks...
Thank you for these comments and compliments, Cindy. Your feedback is always valuable and meaningful to me as a writer, even if I don't actually say it in words often enough. Just now I am trying to get caught up on many overdue "thank yous" and I certainly wanted to make sure you knew how much your opinion is appreciated...
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