I am a human woman,
I can be loved and touched
and experienced.
I am the fullest fruit
falling from a fickle stem,
my landing sounded by a
hollow click and then
that's it, detachment
waits now on the grass.
I might as well just lay here
and rot myself into sickly
colors of brown and green,
decompose to feed the earth
and create a more beautiful
rose.
A rose much like the ones
you bend yourself around,
tongue and eyes eager;
both willing to taste
and smell the succulent
vision of perfection.
I need not speak of
the sharp exterior
for it's been said
but should you prick
your lustful little fingers
then so be it,
try thinking with the
sensible head
that God gave to you
as a gift.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Cute
and well done. I love the analogy, you always seem to pull those of well, keep up the good work.
-RD -
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Hey, Moose
Thank you for reading and commenting, gorgeous.
Kristin
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hey synth
quite an extended metaphor here. liked the image of women as bruised fruit but when you went to the rose i thought we'd taken a turn for the worse-you know roses are red tripe, but when we get to the last stanza i had an ah-ha and then ha-ha moment. funny as hell
dave -
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Thanks, Dave. I'm glad you like my out of place humor/sarcasm in this one. Anything to make someone laugh,
Kristin
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This is sly, Kristin, sardonic as all hell, while being a beautifully crafted poem about a mis-used "human woman". And I like its male-bashing erotic undertones too - "...but should you prick / your lustful little fingers / then so be it, / try thinking with the sensible head (as opposed to that penile one!) / that God gave to you / as a gift." - oooooh, she's pissed at this guy who's let her fall from his stem, clearly a God's-gift-to-women kind of jerk.
Love it, love its flip-off. And while she gathers up her strength during a "detachment" period of time, which she surely will, judging from the feisty tone of her poem, she slowly grows back to her original being, a "rose." Nice, Synth, all the way. I like angry poems under a cover of clever sarcasm.
Lad -
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Hey, Lad
Thanks for reading and commenting! I kinda figured that if you read this you'd appreciate the sarcasm more than most. You followed the journey of the poem quite clearly and I appreciate that very much so.
Really, thank you, Lad.
Kristin
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Sounds a litle like revenge...
Being the fruit that decomposes and fertilizes the burgeoning lust-filled rose. But you've given birth to thorns too. Passionate and a really consistent image that develops into a bite. Well done, MJ -
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Hey, mojo, nice to hear from you again it's been a while.
Thanks for taking a look into this one.
Kristin
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Another sharp-edged piece...
through which I recall my own ferocious hurt, rage and jealousy at being passed over for someone more conventionally like a "babe"/rose. I still hate that, time has not diminished by sense of outrage at how women are judged. You draw these feeling from me - articulate the situation through a familiar but well-chosen metaphor, and your own voice is strong and clear. For me it's like a visit to a time in my life when I was wounded - so more painful than enjoyable! But still worth the trip.
I particulalry like the "fullest fruit/ fallling from a fickle stem image", and the subsequent images of rot - which express such a powerful sense of disgust at the stupid WASTE of it all.
A complex emotional landscape, where every word counts and irony rules.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 1.
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Yes, riveralex, you've certainly grasped my rage in this. There's lots of things that can hurt a woman but I'd say being rejected and made to feel lesser (than how damn good we really all are) has to be the worst.
Thanks for your insight on this, it is always appreciated.
Hope you're having a fine day,
Kristin -
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My pleasure Kirsten...
Nice to be in touch again, it was indeed a fine day here, cold and bright. Have a good yin yer sel'
Best RA
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Stirring
Excellent write here, using language that is overflowing with power. Your comparison between woman and fruit is superb. For me, the link conveyed so many elements such as beauty, fragility, pleasure, and so forth. It is really hard to pick out one line or one stanza that is the "strong point" but the energy of this piece felt consistent throghout. Thank you for sharing this little gem of yours...
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Hey, Mark
Thanks for reading and commenting on this one
And yes the fruit serves as a symbol for women including all the ones you have listed. Exactly what I was thinking actually so I'm glad you understood.
I'm glad you found the energy was pretty constant, it's a very good thing to know. Thank you, again.
Kristin
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Read this and felt how the style of this particular poem is different. Your recent poems have been different, but this in wholeness has an interesting use of the image of a fruit falling of that "fickle stem." And yet being in the grass and rotting isn't an end in and of itself, but a necessary stage in the cycle to be a rose---a far more better evolution. Yet, as a rose---a 'vision of perfection' has it thorns. I like the last stanza as it bites. And that bite perfectly ends this poem.
And as pointed out by the first comment there is strength in your words, convictions, and that i think is why i like your writing. Its right in your face. I'm not sure if i got what you meant, but that's how i read it. Its a pleasure reading this.
-iphios -
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Thank you, phige.
You certainly understood my point, especially on the necessary cycle and evolution, from waste to rose.
I appreciate you taking the time for this, lovely of you stop by and comment.
Cat
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This is.... incredibly intense. And beautiful. I just love it. I can hardly find much to say, but I feel that this poem rings so truly. The second stanza is utterly perfect and wonderful. In my eyes, I see it as when a man takes what he wants from a woman and then just leaves them, already having got what he wanted. Not sure if that's what you were going for, though. But yeah. Wonderful job, I say I love the name Synth too
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Hey, clouds Thanks so much for taking a look at this. And thanks for getting a main concept, the deeper underlining one of this. It outlines how a man takes from a woman and also how it damages the woman, not being the perfect 'rose.' In a modern sense, imagine a girl in a bar who dressed quite...lightly and so she reveals more and automatically any classy girl would be ignored by most men. Most but not all of course.
Again, thanks so much!
Synth is a nickname from a previous website and I like it as well, so I've stuck with it for years.
Take care!
Synth
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