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Walking down the hills you see A man all dressed in orange and green You walk up to him and shake his hand You say “Hey, how you doin’ man?” You talk to him for quite a while About nothing much; but with a smile And as he turns to walk away You mutter “see you again another day” Your children walking down the hills one day See the same man walking the same way They don’t stop to talk they hurry off It could be a paedophile whose path they cross It could be a murder a rapist or worse So your children run off but stop to curse “Fuck off you freak” - “Go get a life” For times like these this is all rife. |
What do you think?
Comments
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Hi, kep. Welcome to the site.
I like the disciplined execution of this poem; its rhymes and meters are nicely and naturally done. And the subject is a brave one for me to think about - how times have changed, how the most innocent of encounters these days have become, in the minds of many, especially children, perilous and scary. Too bad. I think your poem highlights that with a clever image of the same "man", looked at from opposite points of view, a picture of our times.
Good poem. It makes me think of Anthony Burgess's great novel of future dangerous times, and the frightened and demeaning attitudes that go with them: A Clockwork Orange. Prophetic? I think so, as is your poem. Good poem!
Lad -
Insightful...
I think this poem makes a great point on our changing society. As the generations have progressed the way we behave and the way we interact with each other has certainly changed. My parents often talk of leaving the house early in the morning and not coming home until it was dark, right in the urban streets of Boston. Very few children do that today or feel safe enough to do that today... and we are ever too quick to judge. A great debate can be stirred over how valid this defensive nature is... have times really changed or have we simply become more fearful, or perhaps that have changed but the reaction has crossed the line of what is appropriate.
As a written piece I enjoyed the poem and thought you did a nice job. It had a nice flow to it and I think the structure worked very well. You certainly did a great job communicating your message clearly. The only part I got a bit snagged on was the last line. I can't quite put my finger on it but for some reason it felt awkward to me. It felt a little too sudden as a stop in some way. I am certainly no expert at reviewing poetry, however, so this could be a complete miss on my part as a reviewer. Don't put too much weight on that. Besides, that was one little trip for me in the journey through an excellent piece. A job well done, overall.
Also, I see you are a new member. Welcome to the site! I am sure I speak for many here when I say I look forward to reading more of your poems and getting your feedback. All my best to you and yours...language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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