You've grown your race on fabled land
industrial benevolence in demand
we've sent petty trials your way
we've held the real hounds at bay
ice-age, volcanoes and waves too
were sent to rid the world of you
but you adapt and overcome
blind to the fates you've just begun
We'll send hurricanes and tsunamis galore
you've drawn back, fresh in horror
and recover to fix the shambles
adapting again to take the gamble
we want you off our planet see?
so other species can live and breath
and worry not about the fog
pollution, waste and growing smog
we've sent the dead to seal your end
(dawn of the dead for the win)
when there is no more room in hell
walk the growing forces of hungry fell
your guns decimated, your buildings withstood
when we've done everything we could
but spare your lives from terrors seen
true evil rising through the screen
When earth rejects it's firey spew
the DEVIL comes to take his due
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow, there is some real passion behind the words. Such a strength, A read I was taken into very deeply, loved it
Job Well Done
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Hey, Kitten!
This is very strong. I like the rhythm you use and the generally succinct feeling of all of your descriptions. There isn't any flowery pretty writing, which makes the theme even more apparent.
That having been said, I feel it's a tiny bit ambiguous. I THINK I understand what you're talking about, but the point of view could be a tiny bit clearer. If that happened, I have a feeling the rest would take care of itself. Maybe a little introductory stanza filled with declaratory statements like: "I am Beowulf!" That's just a random suggestion, of course, and not pertinent to this piece, but I trust you understand what I'm getting at. I can be more clear if you need!
Anyway, I like the direction you took with this. Keep up the good work!
Nienna
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 2, tone: 5, form: 4.
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