Take me to the far reaches of unsympathy,
Where no transformation means I can keep you.
Qualities meld, and it's obvious,
That the rule of gravity exists just for us.
Take me to the place just as this,
Where the one exception is the centrifugal forces bring us together.
Interest and recalcitrance for one another
Perpetually astound.
Take me to the place unlike this,
Where logic breaks down, takes a turn for another possibility.
My strength and bravery there, match yours,
But I need it here now, to make it happen.
Take me to the place where I can't face you,
Where you repeatedly apologies and
Express your Pride in me.
Because we are of the same; and based on premonition, you will not be disappointed.
Take me to the place -- this world's opposite,
Where freedom comes without the cost of pity.
The reality of goodbyes,
Doesn't mean I miss seeing what little I still remember about you.
Take me to the place of happy lies,
Where you are familiar,
Drunk, saluting what you've helped me become.
I realise what you and we are, but time forbids voicing.
Take me to a place farfetched by rogue thoughts,
Where you live and I can be seen.
Comments
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Wowee it has been while I have read something so good, really
. I love your language in this, strong words . It flowed very well from start to finish.. I might not have gotten exactly what you are talking about but it really didn't matter for some reason lol
I have to agree with Papyrus you do need to not have every lines starting word as a capital, you have gone as far as to work on grammar which to me is close o perfect but not to take out cap's where not needed..The piece would be complete to me if you did this, it's the only thing feeling off..
I enjoyed the read and you definetly have the gift of writing
Cindy
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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forget her, err, him, err, that other you...
this poem sounds alter-ego. like you're talking to yourself. i can see you now, looking yourself in the mirror, wanting to become that someone else that is your desired self image. i don't think the first word of every sentence needs to be capitalized, i find it distracting. there are some grammar errors and such, but i'm no English teacher. your diction is stellar. words like "centrifugal" (misspelled) and "recalcitrance" really spark my imagination.
great work about "what may" come to pass, if only...
Pap
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