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We still keep the old cottage out there by the lake where my grandparents spent all their days. I remember in childhood great times when we'd take our canoe there for our holidays. I can still see the old folk out there on their porch enjoying we kids having fun. It rings with the echoes of games with a torch in eveningtime when day was done. There's an old rocking chair there still placed for the view but these days it's rarely in use. The old folks are gone now and visits are few, there's no-one to sit there and muse. The sunlight and shadows still play round the door, the potplants still flower in the sun. There's no-one to see them or sit anymore, just echoes of days that are done. We visit it briefly water pot plants, repair, but our days are too busy for stays. All alone in the silence now no-one lives there, just memories of long ago days. |
Comments
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Sounds like a place ...
that I'd love to reside in ... with only one question - are there crocs or gators in the lake? Anyway let me get serious here. I think that you have shared a good poem here and with imagery and perhaps just a tweak here or there would allow the rhythm to flow. I noted that you pretty well set a pattern of syllables but when the extra happens it stops the flow. ( 6 / 5 / 9 / 6 / 5 / 9 ) I was already busy editing for you ie:
We keep the old cottage
out there by the lake
where my grandparents spent all their days.
(Recalling) my childhood
great times when we'd take
our canoe there for our holidays.
Take a look and see what you think. Editing is always the hardest part of writing! No one knows better than me! It seems that someone else reading my poem aloud allows me to hear where it doesn't flow. You might try that with someone you know (and love).
I hope you're okay with my suggestions .... joy
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