I'm writing a book: task which inspires
to see things from new points of view.
At first to look at dark quagmires
to try to fathom what crooks might do...
perhaps my rebuke inspects desires
to find the bottom, their thoughts askew?
A diff'rent outlook will share their fires
of wiser freedom. They value virtue?
Big task I undertook, to kick the tires
for hidden wisdom from the bit I knew.
Imagination shook to life, the amplifier
to solve conundrum: alter them for you!
They live, they give, so why not take a look
at end result when Char'cters write the book!
Author notes
A Nottasonnet: Playing with Form: Inner Rhymes
(with 'book' and 'from' in sets of two.)
ababababababab first dimeter and cdcdcdcdcdcd ee, second ...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Going, going . . .
This poem is about to disappear, since it will get no response to hide its come-uppance. I used to like it. A couple of replies will replace it, assuming they were not lost forever. Both are brief, but fun.
Terry -
At first\ to look\ at dark\ quagmires
to try\ to fathom\ what crooks\ might do...
perhaps\ my rebuke\ inspects\ desires
to find\ the bot\tom,\ their thoughts \askew?
A diff'\rent out\look will\ share their\ fires
of wis\er free\dom. They va\lue vir\tue?
Big task\ I un\dertook,\ to kick\ the tires
for hid\den wis\dom from\ the bit\ I knew.
Imag\ina\tion shook\ to life,\ the amp\lifi\er
to solve\ conun\drum: al\ter them\ for you!
They live,\ they give,\ so why\ not take\ a look
at end \result \when Char\'cters write\ the book!
the syllable counter gives us this:
s s s s s s s s s
I'm writing a book: task which inspires - (9)
s s s s s s s s
to see things from new points of view. - (8)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s
At first to look at dark quagmires - (8)
s s s s s s s s s
to try to fathom what crooks might do... - (9)
s s s s s s s s s
perhaps my rebuke inspects desires - (9)
s s s s s s s s
to find the bottom, their thoughts askew? - (8)
s s s s s s s s s
A diff'rent outlook will share their fires - (9)
s s s s s s ss s ss
of wiser freedom. They value virtue? - (11)
s s s s s s s s s s
Big task I undertook, to kick the tires - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
for hidden wisdom from the bit I knew. - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s s s
Imagination shook to life, the amplifier - (12)
s s s s s s s s s s s
to solve conundrum: alter them for you! - (11)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s s
They live, they give, so why not take a look - (10)
s s s s s s s s s s
at end result when Char'cters write the book - (10)
I wonders if such dissection serves any useful purpose, and yet, when someone writes a sonnet the validity of the form is called into question with each new creation. So an examination of the author's expertise is required. I have a hard time deciphering a regular meter often disagreeing with this stress or that, probably can be blamed on my tin ear.
I find the heart of the poem here:
"Big task I undertook, to kick the tires
for hidden wisdom from the bit I knew."
and secondarily in the quest to take on the full spectrum of the human Char'cters.
The sonnet, more than any other form in my own mind seeks the aspiration which we as humans may attain. Properly executed it is the highest expession of our language, it should not be attempted lightly, without regard for the potential of its power.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 2, tone: 2, form: 3.
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No tin ear at all, Lute! Thanks. "and yet," you said, "when someone writes a sonnet the validity of the form is called into question with each new creation. So an examination of the author's expertise is required."
Of course, if it is a sonnet.
It did not even have enough pentameters! Scansion all over the map.
"Questionable expertise" assumes none. Occasionally I do write a standard one.
I do know what real sonnets are, but who'd ever know?
"I have a hard time deciphering a regular meter."
No wonder; it probably has none. The sortasonnet had a different purpose.
As it stands no "expertise." remains. For a formal English sonnet it is a dismal failure.
Still, before I lose a friend here, no question that was a major task you undertook, reminding me of dodging trees on a dark night in the woods hoping to find true North, tripping over dactyls with anapests buzzing about ears!
Astounding if you found any meter at all, in that it was written to explore midline and end-rhymes. I'll be more careful in future.
But then, does every set of fourteen lines have to be a sonnet?
That was fun.
Terry
May I rename it as a new form: "Nottasonnet" ? -
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(I am holding a contest, remind me never to do so again. Grading papers is no fun at all) -
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contest-grading
Especially if there are many.
Judging by some gold trophies that have floated by (Not mine. I don't get golds) --it cannot be for their form!
There was an old joke about grading test-papers:
(You need more than 30) Stand at the head of the stairs and toss the heap laterally and high.
The thickest ones fly farthest, and the rest sort themselves out.
Having pre-sorted, they grade quickly.
As a teacher I never had fewer than 35 in a class. I'd sort to find the predictable better ones (A's) and slip them into every fifth place, just to keep my spirits up, grading essays deep into the night. (My biggest class had 44. All year. At 46 they would have split it.)
As you said "Grading is no fun--but at least even if there was no "overtime" they paid me.
Sympathy.
Terry
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Terry, it's nice to see you back and kicking, and even taking time off from your book writing to post this gem. I mean it. Even Shakespeare, in all his sonnets, never attempted one of these double-rhymers, although I'm sure he could have if he wanted to, but you did. Not only that, but the inner rhymes are near homophonic - now that takes skill, or maybe just a natural way you have with words, not to mention deftly placing them within a flowing quatrameter. Brava!
And then, the theme: character-driven story indeed demands an author's deep look inside herself, wherein, as old Walt Whitman says, she "contains multitudes", even "crooks" - or at least into her imagination which she "shook to life...new points of view."
Marvelously enjoyable, Terry. Anyone who can play around with traditional sonnet form so skilfully has to know what she's doing to the max, and that's proven here. Great write for me to enjoy. And best of good muse in the other writing.
Lad -
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Lad, I have truly missed being here! Second-class member that I am, with the same narrow box no one else gets, I am typing this into notepad to paste it there later. (If I remember, that was why I left for so long, just returning to read.) Anyhow your wonderful critique made this return eminently pleasant!
The novel in question waits at chapter 8 in my website, off to a strong start. I know where it's going, and when it will get there, but have not had time with all the things I have committed to do. If curious, it can be clicked from the menu you get from the web address in my page here. Choose "Fatal Secrets."
It needs work with fornatting, and a different background...
An earlier novel for young readers is there too.
Most recently of course GURU also in the website has kept me out of trouble. Except today--went to see the grandkids in their school concert (not an Xmas concert anymore: We have people in burkas in the audience.) The younger one is a real ham, totally uninhibited and expressive. Older one wished she was anywhere but on stage.
Busy day today. When I clicked in here, I found I had not logged out-- probably this (yesterday now) morning.
The double rhyme is not as hard as it looks. With strict iambic tetrameter. the beat goes taDA taDA + taDA taDA, per line,
translates to taDA aWORD + taDA aWORD Mine is really a mix of dactyls and anapests instead of iambs, so you see I did not labour over it. One thing I discovered, in two- and three-syllable words, it turns into a trochaic line if the end word ends in -tion or -ly which are never stressed.
While I'm at it, I wrote one with heptameter lines once and quite enjoyed it: three beats + four beats per line. I called it a sortasonnet as a result. That caesura (+) would be a good place for inner rhymes, and feels like an ordinary abab verse, but only in two lines.
There now, does that lend you a hand if you want to try it?
My time at AP has been rather frustrating in that the majority over there are death on end-rhyme of any kind, probably because they have no idea how enjambments hide rhymes,
and they want NO part of this kind of sharing. As a result I write few poems now.
Time to copy this and paste it into the narrow box.
I really appreciated your encouragement.
Terry
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I have often found myself saying to people that my poems write themselves...and in your case its the characters that have written the book. Isn't that the beauty of it, when this fictional character become people who go through their own lives accordingly. Its better fiction to have your character seem like REAL living breathing individuals and not mere two dimensional beings force written by its author. When that moment happens its awe-striking. I have found that after writing a poem in an almost possessed manner, i am left amazed at how i was able to string words. Hence, i say that i have not written a poem, a poem has written itself.
Your sortasonnet was an interesting read. Though i can never really write in structure, i enjoy reading them (even if they fall under the 'sorta')
-iphios -
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St
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na
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SP
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From Notepad to a TWO column box!!
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Thank you iphios!
It is a lot easier when the characters take over. The drafts are a joy! Every morning I couldn't wait to crank up my computer to find what they all had been up to since I left them!
Actually three books have done that so far.
The current one will eventually get done, when other work permits. (The first eight chapters are in my website already, patiently waiting for the other half to come.)
Another with 34 chapters was completed, and is also on my website. Target audience, young teens. After a final edit eliminating my illustrations, --again, when time permits-- I hope to publish this one.
The earliest could be three books if I had the energy to edit: Single-spaced, saved on floppy (which I no longer can read) and with a printout filling five 3-ring books, with a three-generational family saga of fourteen hundred forty tightly-written pages. Even the thought of revision and editing totally exhausts me. However, I learned the craft, writing that.
The weird thing with it was that it was set in the late 70's, beginning 1980's before computers could do much. The fiction went into the invention and medical uses of incredible miniaturizations --completely off-the wall stuff at the time. It took the wind out of my sails when in fact, my prediction turned into old news. My only proof of antiquity are the yellow-edged pages turning brown.
I blame it on my muse, whose will bends truths into words almost faster than they can be typed. I am happy that you know how it is!
Te
rr
y
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In Character!
Lavishly portrayed with rhymes within rhymes like cogs in the tires/wheels you´ve been kicking the stuffing out of, Terry, gleaning wisdom from piping valves.
Ideally it should be the characters who write their book through the author as medium naturally.
One of the most enervating aspects of writing is being able to find time to evolve (or devolve as the case may be) and then behold psionic links and empathy with a character and their motives.
"At first to look at dark quagmires" requires often a stoic and robust constitution especially if the misdeeds "crooks might do" are most distasteful. And then to relinquish the rogues gallery allowed to fester within mind! No easy task. Landing in the everyday and pursuing all the mundane banalities of ordinary vexistence. Multitasking for schizophrenics, no less!
Loved the lines:
Big task I undertook, to kick the tires
for hidden wisdom from the bit I knew.
All in all, Terry, I wish my fickle shades squeezed from quill would take MORE responsibility for the recording of their escapades while I watch telly, read a book or something - even catch up on the decade or so of domestic quests and menial tasks, homelife requires of me. If I myself am a character in a book then I bear this overbearing, underzealous "author" quite a grudge. In fact I ll kill him off in the sequel!
Rich as ever Terry and you got me rambling on as usual.
Autobiographical regards
gGhostwriter
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Ah, but such nice rambles! I just got back from some pretty hairy driving though yesterday's snow storm, today's heavy road. Snowbanks big as we had in midwinter--what will they be like in mid-winter?
Discovered I had not turned off my computer before leaving, so it was simple to find where to start! My thanks for the kind thoughts that had followed me down the road and back again!
About the form of this...the doubled rhymes. I remember when it came...It was not intended at the time, just happened, but I don't argue.
I see one of yours up, and will read, probably reply at length after I FTP a bunch of stuff. 'Til then, it was nice to have this day away from the grindstone!
Terry
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