Only In Dreams

I've never seen the ocean.
But when I look around at the bars that cross,
I think I get a pretty good idea of the ebbs and flows -
    The waves that crash, as metal barriers,
Or simply trains, passing in the night.

    But nothing's simple;
    And I just don't understand.

Look at me!

With flowing white coats
    even the angels avert their eyes -
  Thousands of sun's passings I lay
          Bound and confined,
              Left to self-mutilation.

The veins that stripe my face to match disgruntled hands
    Are in just that,
                        vain.
What's the use?
    I'm deformed and you're still oblivious...

Oblivious at least until my year has come
and for a moment
    the angel bends down over my emaciation
and cleans my blood -
    tightens my ropes
and stabs me into momentary heaven.


At least I won't whine as you


    - walk away -

Leaving me alone in my search

for that momentary attention I've found

          only in dreams.