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The Magpie

The forgotten is an asset.

The magpie’s frail Sentimentality
Lies tranquil, ensnaring, gleaming.

Memories are a mesh
Made from pipe cleaners,
Glitter, tin cans and barbed wire.
An onion, peeled away
Each sediment
A refraction.
Cascading, jaggedly
Rendered from an abyss
Of sentimental distractions.

Five o clock in the morning
When the moon met its slumber
The garlanded table
Saturated;
By glittering adornments
Purges warnings.

Dreams seize the consciousness,  
Hurling me to the beach
Leaving my hollow body
Statically Swooning.
Trapped
Between creases in the sheets
Metamorphosing
Into the breakwaters
Concealing me
As your father walks the dog
His face weathered by
Ruthless winds,
As ferocious
And threatening
As the last time I saw this place.

Beneath our dusty carcase
In a world where floorboards are the sky,
The mice dart vivaciously
As we are their phobias
And they fear for me too.

The trains, the cars, the bars
and the stars on the cusp
of the twilight sky
where magpies waver and sigh
beckon me back at night.

Scratching the edges of my consciousness
The city, beloved;
Belches me.
Lamp posts, smudged to
Pencil leaded imps and pixies
Chasing me across the promenade
Before a tirade in my belly
Washes me up on the south coast
Anaemic and crippled.
With the eye of a magpie
Dazzling in a beam luminous fury.

The objects buried in her nest
Spiralling forth with caution

from the garlanded table,
Superciliously awakening me.
To warn me till dawn.

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Brian Balzer Greeters member
    October 5, 2008
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    I see the dream state of this poem.

    The way it sometimes seems to fade and other times seems to jump form aspect to aspect. I have to be honest that I can't pull to much meaning from it. I'm not the best with metaphorical imagery and I just woke not long ago from my own inconsistent dream state. Or did I...

  • Willow1818
    December 23, 2007

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    Good start; needs some focusing

    I had to look up magpie to make sure it had the qualities you were using. I think you need to clear up or stress much of it is a dream. Did you hate the dream or not? I wasn't clear on that.

    language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 5.

  • mojojames
    December 16, 2007

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    Lyrical if a little obscure...

    Some of your lines are very evocative, like "memories are a mesh / made from pipe cleaners / glitter, tin cans and barbed wire." Thoughts of the past being about as useful as these items mentioned. There are a few spots where it seems the images contradict each other, or at least don't fully complement each other, like "each sediment / a refraction." Sediment gives the feeling of something like a settled mass, sinking, whereas refraction gives the idea of a sharpness, something active. I like the section of "Trapped between / creases in the sheet / metamorphosing / into the breakwaters / concealing me." And "The trains, the cars, the bars / and the stars on the cusp / of the twilight sky / where magpies waver and sigh / beckons me back at night." That's very effective rhythmic and lyric poetry. I think you meant 'beach' for "beech." Sorry to nag. Cheers, MJ

    • twentysecond
      December 20, 2007
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      Thanks for the thoughtful comment, I really appreciate the constructive criticism as well as the praise. I have also corrected that stupid spelling error now, I am a little dyslexic and I am still a crappy speller at the age of 21 which is sucky but I like to know when I get stuff like that wrong so thanks again


  • Lad silver member
    December 16, 2007

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    Greetings, twentysecond. This dreamlike poem is extremely intriguing to me, with its florid images of the poet's memories and deeply interior struggle to escape from them; memories are like "magpies", constantly screeching the past. That's the main sense I get from the poem, and if I'm way off in my core interpretation of it, my regrets. It IS a difficult poem to parce tangible meaning from, as it seems to be a very, very private world within the poet. And yet...
    ...I love its lush images that seem to gradually unfold like "An onion peeled away / Each sediment a refraction...Rendered from an abyss / Of sentimental distractions..." Terrifically evocative lines!

    I finally, though, got some footing in that central stanza about a father walking a dog "in ruthless winds..." - perhaps the poet's father or the father of the poem's "you" - not sure of that. But it does offer me some sense of a past childhood, with all its now unwanted memories, probably painful ones. So, it's no wonder that the poet feels so separated from her "city", and feels washed "up on the south coast ? Anaemic and crippled. / With the eye of a magpie (memory) / Dazzling in a beam luminous fury. //...Objects buried in her nest" threatening the poet again as she wakes.

    Although so many, perhaps most, of the images and their meaning seem to be so interiorized and hidden, making it very difficult for me to feel and think along with the poet, I like the total world of the poem: its disdain for useless memories, "scratching the edges of (her) consciousness."

    A very interesting and skillful write, twentysecond, although fairly obscure for me. Sorry.

    Lad

    • twentysecond
      December 20, 2007
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      Hey Lad, thanks very much for the detailed and insightful comment on my poem. It got me thinking... I allways mean for my poems to be obscure and like the idea that I can wrap up intensely personal things in language and somehow transmit some of the sentiments behind it to a reader while still keeping the bulk of it to myself, however wheather I can actually acheive this or not is another matter.

      Several people have said that my poems are obscure and that they are unable to render an exact meaning from them. Over the last few days I have been debating wheather or not I should try to provide my poems with more of a focal point but am still pondering this and am yet to draw a conclusion. So I continue to toss age old question of wheather it is the reader or the author who really writes the poem.

      I have noticed that some people leave notes and coments underneth their poems saying what they are about. To me doing that would be like one of those dreams where I am in a public place without any clothes on.. Guess I'm just a bit of closed book

      Anyways I am rambling on and will stop.
      but thanks again for reading my poem!

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