Wine corks
Thesaurus
Random photos
Shaina drawings
Shaina paintings
Shaina constructs of tape and staples
Books from friends who were willing to share their love with me
Skin cream- Economy size
CD’s that will only play on this machine, or that
RCA cables-gold- For some day when I have a stereo to connect
Cardboard box, strained to capacity, filled with panes of colored glass; they crack in the middle of the night, sometimes, like ice on the pond in deep winter
A tattered travel bag
A lonely bottle of vitamins
Snickers bar- It’s a meal!
Lots of, mostly burned, Yankee Candle samplers
Antacid tablets-counts for calcium!
Febreeze by every door
My floor is sprouting change-my only savings account
Furniture of various styles-contributed by family members, and friends, as they moved on to better wares
The baying wolf figurine-Shaina says “it’s a bear MaMa”
Work shoes
Party shoes
Mukluks
Well worn-high thread count-percale sheets, that practically reach for me, as I fold into the warmth of my waterbed
A National Geographic calendar- a lovely gift from my lover- who encourages me to organize my life- if only minimally
A canvas laundry bag and a plastic laundry basket- both falling apart at the seams- but will probably never fall apart enough for me to replace them
A heart shaped piece of plaster, with Geneva’s finger prints -colorfully glazed by the artist herself
A Funk and Wagnell Dictionary, in two parts; The one that I need is always somewhere else
Metal contact from my vibrator, twisted off in frustration.....trying to make it work!
As deep as you want to go.......
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
hmmm. i don't know. this just seemed like a big lit of nouns. i couldn't really tell whats going on. i don't now what to say because i'm not so sure i understand it, although i do agree: the vibrator part is a little tacky. maybe reworded it would work, but the exclamatory way you have it there is almost juvenile. anyways, sorry i didn't have much to say.
-
Love the poem, I like how it goes through phases of your life.
I think you could have excluded the vibrator part though.
It makes it seem tacky. It doesn't fit.
-
Nice Set Up!
Haha. Didn`t see that ending coming Algoressister.
Well I can understand you rehighlighting this older work - it certainly deserves more than a couple of comments (though in my book a comment by much-missed Lad counts as 10).
If I have any criticism its simply that you could embellish the list of your detritus with further details as to why these things are still important and which emotional value is placed in what is so difficult to throw away.
You achieve this with aplomb in the second half of the poem - the first half is as deserving I think.
That said though I did enjoy the line:
"Cardboard box, strained to capacity, filled with panes of colored glass; they crack in the middle of the night, sometimes, like ice on the pond in deep winter"
Very descriptive and evocative.
You hit on a universal theme highly relevant for the vast majority of us here. Kudos for that.
Warm regards
gG
-
The best part of this is that though you are basically just listing items, there is flow, and it's very poetic.
I don't like that the last line is about the vibrator though, lol.
-
Rich and vivid, Laurel, as the poet digs down into the "detritus" of her boxes and bags of loving gifts, the scattering of all the little pieces of life from daughter and lover. I get the sense that as she looks them all over, she's captured by a hesitant and reluctant loneliness - a sure sign that Christmas is on its way, so she reaches for a loyal and "vibrant" old friend and tries to make the damn thing "work!"
So carefully is this one written that I could actually see all the stuff, but that change sprouting up from the floor - the poet's only savings account - was the absolute highlight for me. Really sharply imaged and true as hell. I enjoyed this trip into the piled up, disorganized, things of a full life.
Lad
Just a thought: do you want "seams" for "seems" in the 2nd stanza? and maybe using a different phrase for "falling apart at the seams" in either of the 2nd or 6th stanza? - both minor suggestions. Love the poem! -
-
Hi,
Thank you for the comment...I don't know how many times I went to that line, and left it, unsatisfied.....and I never realized the redundant, "at the seams"......I reworked the cardboard box line and it actually reads much better.....Great Call! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.....ttfn Laurel
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
