There is no beauty in your words,
only vile contempt without reason.
There is no truth in your eyes
they are void, they are black holes
stuck to the inside of your sockets.
There is no soul in your casing,
only soot mud and mold.
There is no ticking in your chest
and if there is, it's a time bomb
smoking with karmic balance
and full circle alignment
that'll scatter your sorry ass
all over the pavement.
Goodness me, I can't believe
I bothered to cry when you forgot beauty,
as if my tears needed to be paid.
I wailed and thrashed when you forgot me,
the forever child, and pleaded
with my aching arms jolted upward
toward you, my everything, my sky.
I walked winter on a leash
held it close to me this December day,
as its numbing breath took feeling
from my trembling skeleton.
It reminded me of you, it felt like death
twenty two times, relived over and over again.
But I couldn't let you go then, still can't.
I am a fool, a pawn to be moved and used
at your proper disposal
as if you'd never destroyed the sacred
binding of our existence.
Oh, you killed our 'togetherness'
you blinded it with perverted fists
clenched 'round the only part
you'll ever know how to adore.
And wouldn't you guess,
it's a part of you.
But thanks, friend, thanks all the same
it's been a pleasure damning your name,
after watching such an empty 'man'
digging then filling his own grave.
It's been wonderful for me, having been--
thrown away--and it's even more splendid
that I'm already forgotten and all it took
was just one lonely night, one lonely day.
It's been a blast being tricked by a
lying seething prick of a cheating lover,
and tripping into love's cess-pool face first.
Yes, many thanks, It's been a grand old time
with you, my derelict sack of flesh.
Now listen to that time bomb tick,
shriveled and short fused in your chest.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Hey, mojo
It's nice to hear from you again. I hope you've been well. And thank you for the time it took to read and comment. I always value your words.
Sarcasm always makes me more brave when I feel this way. I kind of trick myself with a smart ass sense of humor, like I can't be shook. Though that is untrue, it works.
I know that there is always another beginning though and yes, there are many others out there.
Thanks again, I mean really, it's nice to hear from you.
Kristin -
Need i say more? The comments below suffice. I'll keep mine short.
I told you, after reading this that i loved it. I like that it is angry, spiteful, and well hisses. The flow is fluid, moving from one thought to another smoothly. Also, i like that because its description is clear it allows the reader to be one with the emotion. I was reading it and almost gritted my teeth.
The first two lines made it for me. I like how it sets the tone. There is that opposite between beauty and just plain ugly (destructive/vile).
this particular part made me laugh.
"clenched 'round the only part
you'll ever know how to adore.
And wouldn't you guess,
it's a part of you."
the last line of this particular stanza made me go...wow, she's mad. Heh. The sarcasm is apt. I liked the whole tone of this poem. I would call this your come back if you may. I liked the previous poems, but this just hit it hard with an explosion of raw feelings. So apt that it be called "time bomb".
Well, that's the short comment. I wouldn't want to be redundant. brilliant read.
-iphios
-
-
phige :)
Thanks for commenting. People seem to dig my sarcasm in this and that's a very good thing to know.
I'm glad that you were nearly gritting your teeth and that you felt the emotion as if the revengeful mood was your own. That's excellent to know! You connected
Cat
-
-
Synth, this is a real tour de force of pain and revenge..
I'm in the middle of reading a novel by Tolstoy and the first couple of stanzas of this meshed with that style. All of this seems like it's coming from some moral or ethical height that you've climbed to where you're free of the degradations that started you on your climb. "There is no soul in your casing" is a novel way of looking at the body. and there are a lot of great images here. In the third stanza you throw in a change-up with "scatter your sorry ass all over the pavement" , going from the sort of classical refined language to modern street slang. What really gives a lot of energy to this piece are several spots where the sarcasm gives us a jolt not only of humor but of defiant resolution as well. Those, for me, are "Goodness me..." "But thanks friend, thanks all the same..." actually those three stanzas together 9-11 are all in that same vein leading to the twisting of the knife in the final couplet.
The 6th stanza is very very fine, "I walked winter on a leash"... Seems as though if you get something this valuable out of a relationship like that the pain was worth it, easy for someone removed from the experience to say I know, but this resonates with accomplishment. Bravo, congratulations, there's other men out there. MJ
-
The opening lines instantly drew me in, completly had my attention
I could really feel the angst within every stanza.
This stanza stood out the most to me for some reason, such strong words --
There is no ticking in your chest
and if there is, I hope it's a time bomb
smoking with karmic balance
and full circle alignment
that'll scatter your sorry ass
all over town
Maybe the only thing I found a little off was the ending, it felt like it could use a bit more, it didnt feel as strong as the rest, but just my humble opinion
You went deep with this one and expressed the emotion so well.
Cindy
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 5.
-
-
Thank you! I'm glad you took a look at this one, glad yo useemed to enjoy for the most part.
As for the ending, I will review it and try to make it stronger. Perhaps I can make something stronger. Thanks so much for the constructive criticism
Kristin -
-
my pleasure
-
-
-
Thank you for reading, Lad.
Judging by your comment on this, it turned out to be everything I wanted it to be. Not that I'm happy with the situation I'm stuck in, but it helps to get some clarity and some response as well from someone on the outside. Takes me out of my bubble for a bit, which, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that.
You got the exotic reference and my hatred toward it. And yes, I certainly aimed for poison in this one. And I feel every part of it as if each individual line was a bone in my body. Letting go is always the hard part, though.
But it is inevitable at this point.
Again thank you for taking the time to check this out. In my current state it means more than ever.
Kristin -
synth, this ticks off, like a "time bomb" in my own experiences with "lying seething prick(s)...cheating" phonies who've "killed out 'togetherness..." I hear the poet using just about every poisonous invective she can conjure up to damn this person of "no beauty...no truth...no soul...no ticking" in his chest. This is all cold, cold poetic revenge, and I like every raging, spitting word of it, Kristin.
That second-last stanza was for me the built-up climax for this dramatic anger. I mean, the whole poem's dynamic moves, step by step, from describing a love affair, then its destruction, then its high point - that second last stanza - then its final denouement: the "short fused" ticking...
And those really original images in the third stanza made my eyes widen: "karmic balance", "full circle alignment" and "sorry ass..." - strong, vicious, powerful words, just right for this blast.
And yet...I hear the poet's frustration throughout, because she still "can't" let the guy go; she's hooked, and the poem's ferocity is ironic against that frustration. Really nice work, all the way, including that bit of erotic physicality about his "fist" and the poet's "part of" her he "adores", a part that's suggestively part of him too. The whole poem is pure synth, virulent and self-aware at the same time. Wonderful.
Lad
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
