You bound me
With silken threads,
After a long
Seductive tease.
Around my wrists
You gently wound
Your uniform
Of manhood.
Snatching it tight...
To heighten the spell.
About my ankles
You moved next,
To secure me.
Miles apart it seemed,
You slid closer,
And closer still, until,
Gorged upon my heart,
You chained my will
To yours.
Now, unfettered,
I am prisoner,
Still, of the hope and fear,
That you will
Tie me again,
With gaudy neckties,
And make love to my soul.
As deep as you want to go.......
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
provocative
I like it of course but then I am a man and reading about a womans pleasure is always like able.
Constructively I have no critique because I don't typically do that. Your work is obviously a product of your creative abilities and your passion. I can both sympathize and relate to what you have written so a writers task is definitely accomplished here.
You are definitely getting some great sex =D
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 4.
-
confusing yet wow
This peom kinda confused me at first I had to read it over again, but I think I get the meaning. I love the way it flows. It's sweet and sorda mellow. It's amazing, I keep saying the word whenever I comment on a poem, but every poem is amazing in it's own way, but it's really hard to find another word to put, but amazing decribes your poem good indeed, I love it. The meaning of the poem is what I like the most, I thought it was a sexual scene, but it's not, it's much much more that than, "make love to my soul" that part was probably my favorite line. Good job, keep writing.
Lani
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
-
I think you write well, but unfortunately, it feels as if I've read this poem before.
"Snatching it tight/ to heighten the spell" was a nice line, and one that's a bit intriguing. The speaker in this poem is certainly under a spell. She feels a need to be imprisoned; to be captured and dominated by another. Her heart has been "gorged" and another has "made love to her soul." Where does that leave her? "Hoping and fearing?" Interesting. Is she really a prisoner to her lover or to herself?
When you call the neckties (the uniforms of his manhood) "gaudy," what made them so? -
Sensualy Erotic
i find your poems more and more interesting. I have to confess erotica is something that I not much good at, but you are, it is definitely you.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 3.
-
You are one heck of a romantic person aren't you. Well, your poetry gives you away. It's just too easy to go and make an erotic poem a pornographic read. You steered away from that nicely. And that, considering that you were exploring bondage here! That takes some skill. And a very romantic heart!
The only minor quibble I have is with the lines:
Around my wrists
You gently wound
Your uniform
Of manhood
Now I am sure your meaning of "uniform of manhood" is very different from my interpretation of it, which can not possibly be wound around anyone's wrist. I had to make some effort to skip that portion and not think about it.
I love the line "You chained my will to yours" It's bondage which goes much beyond the physical aspects. How great would it be to so in love with someone!
Well written.
-
Very sensual!
That was enticing to say the least. This captivated me as much as your lover captivated you! Bound by silken threads...
such a seemingly thin bond yet you are still his captive because it's his will that actually holds you. In a word - Sensual -
My favorite two lines, though it was sooo
hard to choose, - Now, unfettered, I am prisoner - in allowing him to fetter your
body you have unfettered your very essence. This has bestowed upon me an image I will not soon forget! Thank you.
By the way my favorite so far!
-
Well Balanced
Really liked it. It flowed well and moved easily towards its climax (if that's not too strong a word). Titilation was nicely balanced with romance and understatement with unobtrusive internal rhymes binding it together here and there(bound/around, tight/heighten, still/until/will ). Most of all you got the balance right, and walked the difficult line between erotica and tat. My favourite lines were
'Now, unfettered,
I am prisoner,
Still, '
which speaks not only of the freedom of tethers but the prison of absolute freedom. Indeed I would change the title to 'Unfettered'.
If I would change anything it would be the repeat of the very strong word, 'soul' between the final two stanzas which diluted the punchline a lot for this reader.
Otherwise, a really nice write. I'll look out for some more of this from you.
-
-
Thanks....
Hi,
It took me a bit, but I found a word to replace
"soul", in that spot...I put in "will" instead....it reads better, what do you think?....ttfn Laurel
-
-
So many ham-handed hacks
brutalize eros with porno-talk because that's what they have been told sexy is. I think such is a cop-out because so many are afraid to explore their own feelings on the subject, and instead opt for the cookie-cutter sexy that really is just bawdy. You don't do that. You own your sexuality and weave into this piece your understanding of what you value during the act of making love. And it's nice, it's tender, and it speaks what a woman values in love-making. That's good because we men are often clueless til informed, and this poem does a nice job of informing.
I enjoyed this, and most especially how love-making is more about the journey than the destination. It's the heightened anticipation that makes the trip worthwhile and the arrival enjoyable. I like the ending with the promise of another journey. What's worth doing is worth doing again. Once again, setting the stage for anticipation...
Nice work.
Al -
Your interest in the erotic is a refreshing
addition to things here, very welcome. Just don't let him cut your circulation off!! We'd lose you. Best RA -
-
Hi,
Thanks for the comment....I almost peed, laughing.....I will feel brave enough to post more on the erotic line.....ttfn Laurel
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
