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"We dwell in the will of God as in a sanctuary. His will is the cloud of darkness that surrounds his immediate presence." -Thomas Merton, "No Man is an Island" i stutter-step into the pitch cowering in darkness to find instinct was wrong faith dispels shadows your feet are cleaner now that i've washed them and i delight in your satisfaction here my self-forgotten sanctuary of purpose God revealed. |
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A dark cloud...
I get the feeling from reading this that you've been lost like most of us. By "lost" I mean struggling to find meaning, validation in a world devoid of absolute value from either a philosophical or scientific perspective. I get from reading this that old existential dilemma: man's place in the universe is absurd, this realisation causes pain and anxiety and we have basically three choices, (1)suicide, thus ending it all and solving the absurdity problem, (2)a leap of faith into religion, surrounding one's self with the "cloud of darkness," thus giving one's self the validation and purpose sought after (even if it is someone else's), or (3) an acceptance of the absurdity of the universe, an honest staring the void in the eye while rejecting the other two options. Suicide is the deletion of possibility, the denial of any beauty or value and is a viable option for those forlorn souls for whom nothing is worthwhile. Religion rejected because, in the words of Camus, it is "philosophical suicide," a stubborn rejection of the seeming facts of the universe, an escapism. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that last assessment, but there you are. It seems that you've chosen the second option, a life of devotion and service to God--or maybe I'm way off base.
The impact this could have loses out with me because it leaves some questions unanswered. For instance, what is it about stepping "into the pitch" and "cowering in darkness" leads to the conclusion that "instinct is wrong?" What leads the narrator to the darkness, how does she/he feel about it? What is meant by "instinct?" The first stanza, for me, is entirely too ambiguous for the emotional impact that I believe is the goal of poetry. "Faith dispels shadows," how? Use metaphorical examples, make it concrete. I would like to smell what this is like. I would like to taste the fear, confusion, etc. Do you see where I'm going? We all feel these things. What separates poetry from mere prose is the showing what something is like, comparing it to something we all have experienced. Yes, the first stanza uses "darkness" and "pitch" but darkness it too generalized. "Pitch" is good but its all by itself among emotionally empty words like "faith" and "instinct."
The second stanza is much more promising because of your allusion to Christ's washing the feet of His disciples. Personally, for me, this is the core image that the rest of it should revolve around. You want meaning? You want purpose? You want validation? Don't look inward to the fulfillment of your worldly desires or to systematic philosophies that will only lead to an eternal regress of endless questioning. Don't look to science to save you from the turbulence and white noise, it is merely descriptive, appearance, and can't serve as the basis for action. Look to service, the alleviation of pain and distress; and what better, more touching image than the image of the Godhead humbling Himself enough to set this example. Use images related to this in addition to one's that reflect your state of being before your calling and show how you came out of it. The most important thing is to show not tell.
Good luck to you. -
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*Pap questions the essentials of poetry
Bill (is it alright i call you Bill?),
my sincerest regards to your perceptive and thorough review of my poem. indeed, i opted to leave out the details. have you not an imagination? you can fill in the blanks the way you want to. make the poem your own. on the flip-side, i understand the emptiness of my poem. i have tried to strip it down to the bare essentials, and in doing so, maybe i have unwisely strip out a few too many poetic devices necessary to carry the pulse of the poem. ah, and i love your last remark, "The most important thing is to show, not tell." perhaps this is very true. people do a lot of talking all the time, but does it ever amount to any physical change? or rather, the uniqueness of a moment can't be conveyed without a descent description.
in due time my friend.
i wrote a poem the other day called "The Weather is Warm for January" and then went back with a butcher's knife to carve in more poetic devices. but the purity of the poem was lost. and for such is my search. i think that this latest poem stems from a desire to get back to the bare essentials in which i had once found myself steeped. only this time, i am re-thinking what those essentials really are. perhaps they can be found in the lyrics of ancient Greeks or in the stanza's of 20th century poets. perhaps. but i am searching for something from within. trying to create my own voice, if only a struggling overtone amid a much greater roar.
thank you for your guidance. there is hope for me yet.
Pap
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It's all good...
I wouldn't call it "guidance," though. It's just advice based on advice based on advice ad infinitum...I didn't come up with it; and, if it doesn't work for you, that's cool. I wouldn't pretend to "guide" anyone. I can barely find my own way most of the time. Again, good luck; and, yes, you may call me Bill, but my name is Brandon if you weren't being completely flippant with the "my friend" thing. "Bill" is just one of the masks I stare through. -
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ok, Brandon
well, if not guidance, then very helpful suggestions.
and ha. no, i consider you quite harmless. a friend indeed. and a good one judging from your responses. no flippancy at all!
i think maybe my latest poem is more along the lines of what you want. i haven't written anything so structured in ages. ode to February!
Pap
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Hi, Pap. I tried to pull up your revised "the weather is warm..." poem, but I guess it's been archived. But my hunch is that, with your increasing skill, it's got to be better than the original. Now, to this one...
...it's oblique alright, but I think I catch its meaning because I feel the same way, nearly every day, about that cloud-of-unknowing of God's will. And I hear in your poem a deliberate throwing off of intellectualization about trying to "figure out" - as though it were a math problem - His will. It doesn't work that way, I hear your poem saying. I even hear a casting off of self-centered and natural "instinct" in favor of impulsive compassion: washing the feet of sufferers wherever they are in our lives. And in that action of "faith", God "reveals" His will. I believe the poem, for those reasons, is a sharply poetic response to Merton's meditation.
I've read Merton for years, and am always comforted by his candor about not knowing what God really wants, or where He wants us to go or do or be. And your poem seems to be something of an answer, a response, to his quandary: forget the confusing "shadows" in the mind - simply love your neighbor in action.
Although there might be, for many readers, some needed transition between your two stanzas - for clarity's sake - my emotions filled in that gap, probably because, as I say, I struggle also with clarifying God's will. So, technically, the poem works for me.
Content-wise, I'm uncertain if "instinct" needs to be put down in favor of "faith". In my own life, I'm beginning to think that instinct - God-given as it is - needs to be combined with brave faith, not separated from it. But that's just my own take on things.
Seems to me, Pap, that your work generally has an undertone of struggling spirituality in them, and that appeals to my own "stutter-steps". For me, God is silent, frustratingly quiet when I ask him to show his will. My solution is to go with my better instincts for charity, and disregard my instinct for self-interest. I don't know if that's ultimately what He wants, but in the absence of any direct answers from Him, it's the best I can do. (I try to get at that, from another direction, in my "memorized prayers" poem, recently posted). Your poem here recalls that conundrum beautifully, and concisely. Good one.
Lad
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have to go to class!!!
Lad,
sorry you couldn't find my other poem. but at the same time, i'm quite glad you didn't. i'm tired of struggling over it.
this latest poem is deeper on many levels and worth a good chat, i do believe. thanx so much for your response! but i have to go to class now, so we'll chat some later!
Pap
p.s. - i'll look up your poem
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Excellent perhaps over my head!
Your poetry is indeed quite sophisicated. I think the point went over my head!
I suppose that you are comparing your own feelings to those of Thomas Merton.
You approach the will of God with apprehension only to find faith dispels the instinct to follow the will.
Your own faith is stronger than the will God!?
Faith requires no thought hence no will.
When you wash your servants feet(the commandment of Jesus) you do it because you delight in doing it (sort of Zen-like).
I am with you. I hate punctuation of any kind just mucks up the poem.
Although I sometimes feel it is necessary to prevent a mis-read of what I'm attempting to say.
Anyway your poem was excellent and professionally-written even if I might not have understood it.
No lines in this comment were harmed by commas.
I'll keep up with you. I like your style
and apparent personality.
Imagery and Images great. I detected no direct metaphors
except darkness and sancuary being compared to the will of God by Merton.
G2A
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Puzzled?
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Puzzled?
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