emily in the commons
in the commons
where children skate
sit two bronze frogs.
one is fishing
with a can of worms
the other is too cautious to open—
pensive, waxing poetic—
kierkegaard & bergmann—
in spite of his froggy-self.
in the commons
beside the icy pond
he sits long enough
among the rocks & trees
to see that what dies
(sometimes)persists
skaters pass in stilled time.
the commons stand in shadows
of the church and the courthouse
a lawyer I once new
so stern in the
cold shadows
of skeletal trees
that I barely recognized her
and so like and electric fish
arrested me
to recollect
a certain slant
of light
that oppresses
like the weight
of cathedral
tunes.
In the winter light
sloping between
courthouses & churches
& skating children,
time makes us younger &
the heft of
frozen hops—
an Adagio.
Author notes
takes place in boston commons. "certain slant of light.." is taken from an emily dickinson poem.
Comments
-
Thanks for you comments, windhover. I completely agree with your criticisms. This is a poem that I've been struggling with for some time, but don't quite want to give up on.
-
Poetic
Nice work. I was a little disappointed to note that 'a certain slant of the light' was not your own creation, but how you worked with it and its imagery was excellent. I can see the Winter landscape and light so clearly and I can feel its mood. Phonetically, 'the heft of our frozen hops' pleased immensely. I have small quibbles, like ' a certain slant' repeated too soon when I believe the second one should have been 'that certain slant' o/s. The abbreviation in 'he sits long & long' seems inconguous and inappropriate and I would also see 'he sits long and longs' as more meaningful and less pedantic somehow. Overall however, a very poetic piece. Liked it a lot. >W<
Adding your comment:
