i pull out with ease
- tug-less motion
to horror at the grasp
my hand's clutch -
a foremost bang held still
before me and
could-not-let-go
afraid
to empty its cache tries
re-connecting ends but
fails
follicational amend.
Comments
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I have to admit PaPy I got the erotic feel form your words too lol. Maybe there are just a little bit to much mystery to what your really saying...After reading your note to Lad and going back and reading it again, it does make perfect sense, but I feel it kinda wouldn't with somewhat of that explanation...
I really enjoyed getting that erotic feel from it and well whether you meant it or not it's masterfully there
Cin
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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maybe i wasn't pulling my hair out
haha. i have to admit, i kinda like the erotic feeling to this poem. i'm glad both you and Lad caught that vibe and pointed it out to me. your poems often seems very sensual as well. maybe this is just that side of me coming out subconscientously.
and no, i won't post any explainitory notes. if a reader doesn't read the comments, then they just won't know! hahaha.
thanx for the input,
Pap
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Pap, my first reading of this one left me totally blank. My second reading sensed some clarity, but I hesitated to tell myself that the poem has the meaning I got. My third reading only confirmed the second reading, and now I'm very reluctant to say what that meaning was for me - I might look stupid for seeing a scene of coitus interruptus. But I have to sheepishly admit that that's what I got here.
All the images - clever and astute - seem to coalesce into a broken off erotic session, and that includes the final "follicational amends" - another bright neologism of hair ends amending back together, which doesn't happen. There's even a more insinuating sense in that neologism of "fornicational." And in that "afraid", I get the poet's fear of consequences if he doesn't "pull out".
Well, you can chalk up this analysis of your "lucid unrest" here to my own sick mind, or maybe I did come reasonably close to a true meaning, a true scene, hidden under some very clever linguistical fireworks. If I'm way off, I'll be embarrassed. If I'm fairly well on, I admire what you bravely did here in this briefest of snapshots. Seems that concise brevity is your strong suit. Helluva strong poem.
Lad -
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it's all a dream...
both lucid unrest #1 and #2 are dreams i had. i usually don't remember my dreams, except for when i fall asleep without intending to, like when when i'm doing my homework and simply run out of energy, or when i doze off without brushing my teeth. when such is the case, i sleep very restlessly and sometimes have terrible dreams, hence, "lucid" and "unrest."
in my first dream, i pulled out a chunk of my hair, hence, "foremost bang." i really thought this had happened and was horrified, until i woke up. but what you got out of it is, perhaps, far more poetic. take it as you will.
in my second dream, i used a word that somewhat doesn't exist. in my mind, "conastrophy" refers to yelling at an inanimate object, like screaming a reproach at the ocean, for example. but when i tried to check the spelling, however, i couldn't find it in any dictionary. because i don't know the actual term, and because, "i yelled a conastrophy," sounds way cooler than, "i screamed a curse word," i left it in.
again, thanx for commenting. it always means a lot. i know i haven't been as gracious.
Pap
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