Indian summer comes late this year
Twisting its fingers around the earth
And coaxing quiet flowers from their hide-aways
They grow
slow at first
then fast
And then winter comes again and
Kills
Them
All
Do you like it? Any critiscm, suggestions?
Comments
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For me, colin, this is neatly and cleverly written, but it is, after all, prose, not poetry, although it's perhaps prose with a poetic touch. There is, though, a singular image in it, holding the piece together: winter's fingers. Using and extending that anthropomorphic "fingers" again toward the end of the piece might strengthen its poetic possibilities - as in, perhaps:
Strangles
Them
All.
"Kills" is generic; "Strangles" might be a more precise image for destructive "fingers". I know how reluctant you are to revise, colin, so I offer it as the merest thought.
Hope all is well. Hang in there, as always!
Lad
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umm..this is a hard one. It isn't that I don't like it, but it is too simple for me. I mean simple and straight to the point can be a great thing sometimes, but this just doesn't do it for me. (Not to go all Simon cawl on you) It almost appears like a middle schooler wrote it or what not.
Maybe you could try adding on top of what you have now. Add more specific things to help it stand out. It is a bit plain and over done.
I hope I helped...please don't be mad...=} hehehe -
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Hmm, I get what you mean. It is rather simple, I dont usually write this way, just an experiment.
Of course I'm not mad! Im open to any constructive critiscm. And your not going all Simon on me. The one time I watched the show, he was my favorite judge. more down to earth then the annoying woman with her dancing and her plastic face.
Thanks for the comment,
-Colin
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