(Verse)
You need to make me cry, Honey,
You need to make me cry,
You seem to feel alive and real
When tears fall from my eyes;
And so you drive me crazy
To the edge of rage and more
But cannot listen to me
Til my teardrops wet the floor.
(Verse)
You always make me cry, honey,
Always make me cry
I can’t get your attention
Til the accusations fly.
I try to talk to you before,
But you jus’ step on by
And go and drown your sorrows
In another fifth of rye.
(Bridge or lift?)
How can it be that all these years
We never noticed how
You feel strong when I’m sat on
The bottom of these stairs.
This house should be a refuge
The kids are nearly grown
We made it through the hard times
Without our secret showin’;
(Chorus)
And maybe there’s an answer
And maybe there is none
Except for you to cry alone
Til all your cryin’s done
Til all your cryin’s done.
(Verse)
You gotta make me cry honey,
Gotta make me cry
I can’t blame you,
It’s just us two
And how we lead our lives;
I know it’s hard to be a man
With all that you must hide,
But breakin me is not the key
To what you’ve locked inside.
(Chorus)
And maybe there’s an answer
and maybe there is none
Except for you to cry alone
Til all your cryin’s done.
(Verse)
We gotta find some way to talk
And say what we must say
I love you like I always will until my dying day;
You are my life’s companion
So deep within my heart
But if we cannot find the road together,
We must part.
(Bridge)
How can it be that all those years
We always thought it right
That you should make me cry by day
Yet (but?) love me through the night;
(Chorus)
And maybe there’s an answer
And maybe there is none
Except for you to cry alone
Til all your cryin’s done.
Except for you to cry alone
Til all your cryin’s done;
Except for you to cry alone
Til all your cryin’s done,
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Author notes
Don't know who here likes country music, but this is my latest lyric for my music project. It's pretty fast - about 120 beats per min, and modulates between a major and minor key. The subject matter is clear I think but subtle enough for radio play - apart from one phrase, can you spot it?
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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LOOKS GOOD TO ME. Sounds like maybe there was some kind of spousal abuse whether physical or emotional who can tell.........the only phrase i can find that sounds a bit forced is:
You are my life’s companion
So deep within my heart
But if we cannot find the road together,
We must part.
but lyrics can sometimes sounds like within a song. i am not a friend of country music but still like poetry and this definitly is a well written poem -
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Yes, it is about an abusive relationship
...but also about the feelings that keep people in there, the mechanisms and even the love. The part you quote here only works when you know the tune, I play a little game with the rhythm. Country music has come a long way sine "he done me wrong" days and I have really enjoyed some of the modern writing there - check out Patti Griffin for instance. And keep singing, all of us!! Best RA
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Genuine
No, I couldn't spot it; but then Oz radio stations are pretty laid back on what they'll play, and your song sounded VERY tame. I guess I missed something in the translation.
The beat comes thru, but being me, I had Judy Collins singing it in my head, and not the Dixie Chicks.
As for subject/theme. It certainly covers the male tendency to belittle a woman as a means of making themselves feel superior or manly. [My wife will quickly tell you that I was like that the first 7 years of our marriage.]
There were some akward rhymes, and some of the lines didn't hold together well; but perhaps that was to fit the music.
As a commentary it was great. The solution, walk out/leave him lonely, didn't appeal to me [but then I'm male and would quickly rot away without my spouse]; but then I don't like country & western music.
JG
language: 2, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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You seem to have done pretty well with it
...for someone who doesn't like country music. I think you'd be surprised what's happened in CM since Stand By Your Man (!) not that that's a bad idea but in an abusive relationship staying can be lethal so hanging in there with a mechanism like this is maybe not the best idea... anyway, it's lyric, a song, a serious subject but maybe dumbed down a bit, not crafted quite the same as a poem... but maybe I should think about that.
Best RA
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RA I really enjoyed what you did here, but the only suggestion that I would make to you is that on your last verse, last line would flow a little better if you added "Then" before "we must part" to make... "Then we must part". IT seems like it would fit the rhythym of what you got flowing. I love a great country song. Good job, would like to read some more of your work when I get the time. Props!
Sherry
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Glad I found you.
A crafted work of this high calibre merits plenty of appluse.
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hey darl'in
i'm not into country but for country this is good, catches a lot of the nuances and the, losing your truck and job type of sadness. ol' hank willliams ain't got nothing on you.
dave -
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I wish I had ol Hank's sense of rhythm
... he was an incredible singer, the phrasing is really sophisticated and the lyrics are v sly. But yodel-ay-ee-oo I ain't... best RA
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I really like it and I feel it would be a good song to hear on th eradio etc
I cant answer your question though either lol, I couldnt spot it But still I really enjoyed the read and the story the lyrics are telling
Cindy
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Pleasantly confused...
I like it Alex. I like the subject matter and how it is indeed more subtle than your typical country song, if there is such a thing. I can relate to it, always a good start for a country song. I don't know if you're asking me to spot what's not subtle or what's not clear. The answer may be neither as far as I'm concerned, at least I think..
Anyway, well done here. Can I hear it anywhere? I'd love to. >W<
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