i will stay with you tonight
hang 'round like the tiny speck
of moon dust lingering in evening leaves.
i shall read you a few lines
from dear Emily Dickinson
your favorites, then mine.
Like a robin
i shall pick you up again
and let us live not in vain
Yes,
i shall pick you up
hold you between my palm
and caress off the hair
falling across your face---
of lunar like lacquer
and eternal stillness.
Shall i bare this,
the echoing silence in my head
for another
nine months of your passing life?
And my words shall soon grow tired
of hearing itself in the absence
of your witty remarks
and thunderous laughter
and my hope shall clip its wings
and drown in the acid sadness
of your sleeping beauty existence
reflected across beating green lines.
They shall ask me
my child,
if i must nip your young life
to the permanent eternity
it seems to desire
and i shall look
at you and let that secret kiss of death
flow through your veins
resting forever in the arms
of twilight's angel,
for unlike our poetess words
you stopped for death
and he came in haste
and obligingly.
say what you think.
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Dickinson
I dont know why or how the dickinson thing happened but it didnt hurt the poem at all, it gave it a little more depth i believe, and the phrases/words you used in the rest of the poem were very well chosen. "resting forever in the arms
of twilight's angel,for unlike our poetess words you stopped for death" that was my favorite line at the end, very powerful and put together well...
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Hey marcusmoore,
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem. Stanzas 3, 8 and the last one have references to Emily Dickinson's poems. They may not be familiar, but the reality is they were based on it. Maybe i'll copy and paste the poems they refer to and send you a message next time.
I'm glad you liked the last stanza, it was something that i had to work on a bit,even though the whole poem sort of came on its own. thanks again and welcome to SP.
-iphios
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Thought Provoking
The situation you depict is a bit confusing - a child in a coma? The nine months reference could have been a pregnancy, but caressing hair away from her face is a gesture for a child or adult. You describe well the conflict between the status quo of silence and the separation of death. Resting forever in the arms of twilight's angel is a fantastic image. Thanks!!
. Rewarded 6
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Hi there SueRee,
I think you got the situation pretty clear. If you notice on the reference to the nine months, its says 'for another nine months of your passing life' hence, its not actual pregnancy, but a reference to two things: 1. that the one being spoken to is the child, and the voice of the poem is that of the mother, and 2. that the coma has lasted 9 months (though medically this is quite a feat). Nevertheless, you do get the idea.
Glad you liked that particular line, the last stanza was worked on a bit. Thanks for dropping by. I appreciate it. Welcome to SP.
-iphios
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hmmmm vry well put together poem in its own right....nicely done and also like that last stanze....making me very curious though..........obviously this was someone older than you(first became your favorites, then mine) but you refer to "my child".....is this about someone or something in particular?
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Hi LD,
thanks for the read. Well, the line 'your favorites, then mine' simply refers to the order on how the person in the poem shall read the emily dickinson poems. This particular poem has a story and if you read it through you might catch it. But this isn't about anyone in particular.
-iphios
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Iphios, for god's sake, this one truly astounds me with its emotional impact and its poetic skill. And the subtle, running commentary on Emily's work is bravely and humble done - a true tribute, I believe, to her skill and depth, and to your own, in your own unique voice. Wonderful, from beginning to end.
Just about every line has quiet strength, and they all add up, for me, to image a mother in a sorrowful one-way conversation with her child; or maybe it's not one-way after all - the ill child's thoughts, unexpressible now, arise and speak through Emily through the mother. This central core in the poem is, in my opinion, one of your most original, and moving.
As I say, all the lines work, but my favorite has to be:
"...of lunar like lacquer
and eternal stillness."
That strong, serious play with seven words-in-images is just plain fantastically pleasing to my eyes and ears. But the whole poem is a triumph of symboled insight, not only into the unique suffering of mother-ill-child, but of the mother's terrible decision to be made, in the final stanza. This is true poetry, all of it. So, the title is perfectly apt: this mother-child scene is 'unlike Emily's', while the poem meditates on some of her lines.
Lad
Here's one of my favorites of Emily's; you probably know it too; so mysterious:
Pain--has an Element of Blank--
It cannot recollect
When it begun--or if there were
A time when it was not--
It has no Future--but itself--
Its Infinite contain
Its Past--enlightened to perceive
New Periods--of Pain.
And my favorite line in it is: Its Infinite contain. What three-word magic with language!. Rewarded 8
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Lad, your opening line in your comment made me smile. The 'gods sake' made me laugh. I wanted you to read this very much, since it involved a poet that you often mention and well, a poet it seems we both love. You capture how the mother-child situation isn't like Emily's poems (unlike those i referenced on); hence you capture the significance of the title. Yes, lad, this leave us the mother with a hard decision in the end, a decision that she owns as she lays her child in arms of twilight's angels.
I love the fact you saw how emily dickinson ties the mother and child together, how the poetess' words are the once that carry this ever silent conversation. yes, you capture all the nuances in this poem and im ecstatic. This was a different sort of poem for me.
The lines you singled out as your favorite was a line i intentionally made (meaning: i put some thought into it) and i intended it to suspend as a lingering picture of the child.
-iphios
I know that poem and i love that poem as well. Emily D, seems to capture the awesomeness of the abstracts that plague our existence. The poems i reference to are obviously some of my favorites.
Thank you lad, and yes the phrase 'infinite contain' in itself carries the weight of how a heart is when its in pain.
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marcusmoore
January 23, 2008