Austin was talking about Amos
eyes blurry from rum and mountain dew
though you say you aren't a lightweight
how sad that if nobody tells them
they'll never know
and be damed to hell
that verse
that one horred verse in Amos...
we left Cristine's apartment and crossed the parking lot
the steam of our breath like smoke in the dim glow of streatlamp nightlight
reaching your dorm first you said
"i want to pee outside and watch the steam rise"
straight ahead was a tree
in public sight
"that one" i said
it was perfect
we waited for the cars roaming for parking spots to move on
the group of guys headed down the walk to reach the door
and mind their own inside
and that lone ranger in the black pea coat walking briskly through the lot until his back faced ours
"i'll join you" i said and took the initiative
in such moments one must not think
"we are in college" you kept saying from the other side of the tree
that we are
i didn't see the steam rise
but a hesitation had been released through my emptied bladder
filled with a certain satisfaction
as we pounded fists and split to our dorms for the night
i reached Parker hall and skated through
the smooth marble-like floored lobby on my board
to the edge of the carpet clad lounge
just past the elevator
i always take a look...
2o minutes later
i didn't trust that man with my two tipsy friends
but they did
an outsider, an unfamiliar face i did not know
all too kind
cuddling with drunken Shannon in the lounge
inclined to say and do things she wouldn't if she were sober
i wish he hadn't shown up
so that I could have walked them to their room
and have slept in peace
they are nice girls, really
but they should not have drank, have been more careful
"oh, but we've known Tim for years..."
i left them in his care and stepped off the elevator
casual, calm, distant onto my floor
they trust me too in their state, but know i am a resident
though we've only just met because
i like to look
at which point i relived the moment a million times over
squeezing Tim's hand with an intimidating handshake
looking square in the eye and saying
"they trust you" in my deepest voice
i set my alarm for 20 minutes, not sure if i'd be awake
and laid on my bed reading through the first chapter
of The Message
Genesis, "First this...
the alarm went off but
every attempt to stop it failed
in my head
and eventually stopped
i knew i had not brushed my teeth
it wasn't long before i saw a jumbo jet go crooked in the sky
and suddenly fall
like a bird stalled in mid-flight
and pulled gravitationally to the ground
crash and
silence
we were the first ones on the scene
but i froze
though i tend to keep my composure
the both of us Eagle Scouts expected to act, leadership rested heavily upon me, responsibility
i turned to Austin
who stood by me at the scene, waiting for my next move
it is my dream
and asked if they are alive
he went to go inspect
i could not look inside
grace woke me at some odd hour and i sat up
shaking terror from my mind
the plane crash and my trepidation
and thought about Amos
are these the end times
i brushed my teeth and lay back down
breathing heavily but calming
thinking
stringing it all together
maybe
but now i think i know why
the private jet fell in 2001
and ten members of OSU's basketball team died
January 27th
at 6:27, Sunday night
the Library bell will ring ten times
in rememberence, stolid mourning
this year, the basketball team started chartering flights.
Reviews
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Pap, this introspective diary entry of a night packs a punch with all its detailed scenes, thoughts, events and denizens, topped off with the remembrance, now brought home again, of a terrible airplane crash that hit your campus community hard and deep. Rambled thoughts usually, for me anyway, don't work for poems, but for some reason this one does. I think it's because of that early-on ref to the Hebrew prophet Amos, my favorite guy in the OT: his passionate warnings about humanity's need to get real, see the truth of things and change its ways. And then, the poem goes on in an almost "casual, calm" way to illustrate Amos's fears.
I would have liked to see a clearer ref to the exact quote of that "one horrid verse in Amos", but still I got the picture of it in the rest of the poem. At this first reading, Pap, I'm not sure if the poem needs tightening or if its strength lies in its apparent roughness. I think I'm leaning to the latter: the roughness and raggedness, for me, seem to add to the fluidity of the poet's serious thoughts as he goes through a college night after drinking.
Well, whatever you decide about any tightening, this poem is rich in theme and all the small and seemingly insignificant events that add up, with thought, to real life, as it ponders how fragile we all are, how much we need to "trust" in the wisdom of the unknown, as the poem says about "Tim". I can hear the poem say, under all its words: "I surrender to some unknown, infinite Wisdom in and around us" - a matter of belief.
Really interesting work here for me, Pap. Loaded with a "distant" observation and participation in many troubling things that only make us vulnerably human.
Lad -
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February 1st
Lad,
thanx for reading my poem about January 25th. it was quite a night. there is so much that happened outside what i mentioned in my poem, but that isn't really relevant.
anyhow, like i said in my notes, this poem is just a collabortion of thoughts that were running through my head @ some odd hour in the morning. actually, the part about me having a bad dream and waking up is the point where i started writing. so it's all real.
regarding the revisions, i haven't done much to it, besides some minor errors. and the more time passes, the less i feel inclined to do anything, because those memories are losing their initial vividness, and so i don't think i'd be making the poem better by tweaking it at this point. however, there are still some things i think needs adjusting, like switching "you" to "he" in the first stanza.
as for that verse in Amos, i don't know it. however, my friend Austin (the guy in the poem) knows, because he was the one talking about it. he actually looked it up online that night... you say you are familiar with Amos? heh. more than i. perhaps i shall read it and have another bad dream or two. unless it helps me sleep better.
for now,
Pap
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This is unusually long, but it works. Pap, the events are narrated with strength. Though they seem like just a rundown of events, each event was given weight by how you narrate them. Each seemingly pieces of a puzzle stand alone with meaning and emotion. I don't know why, but the rather still frames of each single occurrence made this an interesting read. I suggest you keep it as is. I don't think its wordy at all, i mean, it kept my attention throughout the length of it and yet it still left that pap-fill-in-the-blanks feel to it.
To me, the day narrated (up to the next morning) captured a life and that made this poem work. Sometimes the rather plain day to day happenings is more relevant than an event. Simple actions can capture so much, after all life is much. Lovely read pap. Its been a while since i left a comment. This one took me in and kept me reading.
-iphios -
Stream of dreaming, half-conscious
jumbled like dreams, thereby appropriate. Rambling through various territories, memories and feelings, it must have been a long night... Best RA -
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that night lives on...
...yes, i was half awake when i wrote this one. and it all just kinda poured out of me. all these thoughts where going through my head. my mind was racing, so i grabbed my computer and just started typing until i felt i had gotten it all out, and then went back to sleep.
i knew that if i just went back to bed before i wrote it all down, then i'd lose it for good. so it was a mid-night cram session. pretty intense. i haven't done much editing to it since. it is what it is.
the point at which i wake up from my dream towards the end of my poem is the point at which i satred typing the poem.
i also wrote another poem after this one, but have since archived it. so needless to say, it was a long night, and being as how i went to bed at an odd hour to begin with (although i sort of dozed-off), i didn't get much sleep.
thanx again for the remarks,
Pap
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Lad
January 26, 2008