i awoke in distress
and stirred the screen from blackness
- refreshed the page
you posted two new poems while i was away and lately
i have been so very distant -
we both in mutual
misunderstanding know
to put no thought to us
[though i wish i were more careful not to care
in our brief chatbox time together always
a matter of chance and where
you sense my unkempt disconnect
- toss you with my words as if indeed
i do not care]
and glad
that what you will not say was not
versed in those poems instead
you wrote of someone else's jell-oed heart stretched
like a rubber band
if i manage any sleep tonight maybe
you will wake my lithe form
just long enough to hear the sparrows' flutter.
Reviews
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This is the kind of poem that i wonder if i should just leave it. This is one of those put-yourself-out there poem. Everything about this poem recalls things and a person. And noticing that this seems a personal poem, it seems hard to leave a comment.Nevertheless, i shall try.
I first stanza gave me an image of you sleeping in front of the computer, the SP site on, and well it has gone to the screen saver. You reload the site and there two poems. The two poem referenced at the latter part of the second stanza.
The second stanza reflects the absence of talking, the distancing. Its the second stanza that is, to my opinion, the core of this poem. It captures the intention...why this poem was even written. Truthful sentiments are revealed in this part of the poem.
The last stanza ties with the title...the Golodrinas. The tension on the third stanza of a possibility of not sleeping after the second stanza was good. This was an interesting poem pap. It bears more emotion than some of your poems. Its a bit different from your usual style. it seems that your style is evolving as well as i've observed with the last two posts. Nevertheless pap, this is good writing, even the brackets work.
-iphios -
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heartfelt thanx
Iphios,
thank you for commenting on such a personal poem. maybe i should not have posted it, but it's poetry, so there. in this poem, i refer to another poem written by another poet, which possibly regards me (this is the title and the last stanza). also, you were right about me falling asleep with my computer on in the first stanza. good perception.
anyhow, this poem was just an effort to clear my head and get a grip on reality, so to speak, at 4:30 in the morning. it was a restless night.
needless to say, we are just friends, and that is probably all we'll ever be. and i'm just fine with that.
as a final, less personal, note, i don't really like the sound of the word "flutter", but that is the only word i could think of to describe the action. so the last line just doesn't flow right for me.
but whatever. i'm going to archive this one soon, so that i don't embarrass anyone.
Pap
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iphios
January 28, 2008