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I succumb REVISED

I succumb.










My sweetheart
its been a long day,
I missed you a lot.
Please hold me
massage away my tensions,
your hands relieving
and familiar.
Melt me with the softest
of kisses,
a burning trail left on my skin.

I succumb
stimulated
and pining our love
to come together as one,
reach new destinations
here in our bed.

Sculpt me to your nakedness
hold my wanting
body tightly and
let loving hands wander.
My treasures come to life for you
Thirsty,
fanatical
for your touch.

Give into me,
Speak of your desires
I will give forth
your fantasy baby.
Bring reality
to wildest of dreams.
Tonight I am more
then your lover.












Um I don't know speak the truth lol :)

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews


  • riveralex
    February 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I think it's hard to really express

    the erotic directly, most of what we do in bed/love is pretty - I don't mean "routine", but perhaps "common" or shared (and frequent) are good words... I think it's hard to avoid cliche if we just talk about our desire and body and theirs... I didn't really feel the heat of your desire or your need here, and in erotic poetry I guess that's what I'm looking for - but, hey I'm an old lady, maybe I'm past it! I certainly feel like I am sometimes. Brave to try, anyway. It's more a love poem than an erotic piece for me. Best RA


    • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
      February 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am going to apologize in advance Alex, cause im in a foul mood I probably shouldnt even reply to this now..but im here..

      the thing thats going to sound nasty is --- This is a revise not much has changed and you are the first person to say you didnt feel the heat behind the words etc

      Erotica can be sex between two that are in love... so therefore erotica can have the feeling of being in love and the physical side...Not all erotica is supposed to leave you feeling horny....

      This is what is classed as sensual erotica, in lamens terms Sex & love, such love combined within..

      I am sorry that the fact that its more sensual and on the lighter side of directness meant you couldnt truly experience my words...get the feeling you wanted to get..

      Please dont ever say something like brave to try to me ever again, please...cause I have been writing erotica for a while now...always getting positive feedback , encouragement... but truly brave to try isnt encourgement to someone who didnt just start this genre.

      like i said above I am truly sorry for my rude words...no-one has probably ever seen me been so mean, and I hate it I really do but im just very stressed out at the moment and my head isnt in a good place...SO I am very sorry but I came back to my morals, that I will always be honest

      Thanks Alex, please dont let this frigten you off commenting on future works, just take it as a bad day on my part lol. I really do appreciate your comments


      Cindy


  • sweetspiritonline
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    =] Awesome!!!

    i dont know if i would;ve put baby in there tho. idk but its really good even with the baby in there. Awesome job! XD