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She Flows Blood Red


 Winter moon light
 Gives a beautiful sight
 Though the joy is tainted
 By the river painted

 Painted by bloody tears
 That come over many years
 She wishes she was dead
 As she flows blood red

 She has watched battles rage
 Though she remains in her cage
 Her banks wont set her free
 Free is what she wants to be

 She has been stained
 As she is refrained
 Seeing lovers love and loose
 By the choices they choose

 She wants to live a life
 But she can't and it hits her like a knife
 So she must watch others
 Destroy the lives of their brothers

Does it need more?

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Reviews


  • skipeople
    February 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It doesn't need more, to answer your question, but it does seem forced. I think it is cool that you are trying to do a riddle type thing, but at this length, some lines are just not meant to rhyme.

    Anywho, I somehow messed-up my first comment and it wouldn't post it all, I had examples and everything.

    Long story short, it reminds me of someone who still thinks that all poems should rhyme, but they don't have to. I'm not saying this is bad beccause I do like it, but it may need some tuning. Like I said, some parts seem too stressed.

    Keep trying, you'll get there!
    Ashley