because you've been ill
i'm writing a get-well-soon card in my head
i’d rather write a real one instead but
still
maybe you'll get it.
i wish you would
i wish you would get well
soon, come back soon
i wish we could all come back, like it used to be
when i'd fiddle around with minimal poetry
and have snowball fights in Antarctica.
- that night we hopped in my VW MiniBus and i gave you a parka
to keep out the cold, and sipped hot cocoa as i drove
us back to our imaginary place where we'd always end up
every time we talked.
remember how i tried to paint a winter wonderland
with only green paint?
you thought i was silly - all those green snowflakes!
each one unique, like a fingerprint
hard work indeed, but you
decided i was a better canvass than the busted wall
so i chased you around the room until we jumped
into the picture.
i took forever to open the present Santa tossed me.
i took forever to remove the wrapping with one hand.
how i built suspense, asked you for a drum-roll-please
jeeze!
remember what i got? (i'm not
going to remind you!)
a writer's two greatest flaws are over sentimentality and
this isn't a love poem.
it's a get-well-soon poem.
from a friend.
whose been so lonely lately.
if you don't know, don't ask
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Touching words Papy, your a good friend, I loved the interesting trip down memory lane.
I felt your lonliness but your felt your fondness for their part in your life.
I really liked --
remember how i tried to paint a winter wonderland
with only green paint?
you thought i was silly - all those green snowflakes!
each one unique, like a fingerprint.
An enjoyable, telling read PaPy, thanks for sharing
Cindy
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Hi, Pap. I just plain-out love this poem. It's lush with so many little details that only a true friend would know, and he'd know that the other friend would know them too. So, the poem rings with connection. But it's a yearning connection, longing "for a friend" to ease up the poet's loneliness. This one comes, excuse a cliche, from the bottom of the heart, as I believe any good poem should do when it comes to friendships. But it skilfully avoids "over sentimentality" - the two traps for a poet, as this poet says.
And all the lines are nicely phrased, each one having its own resonance, but even more resonance as it moves into the next line. I like that. E.g., "maybe you'll get it / / I would / I wish you would..." - terrific! And that third stanza could be a nifty poem all by itself.
The whole poem was a treat to read, Pap. I'm beginning to think that, for all your youth, you've an old soul. Nice.
Later,
Lad -
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yes, i should be more carefree...
Lad,
thanx so much for a positive response.
the line "a writer's two greatest flaws are over sentimentality and" comes from a previous conversation i had with this certain someone, where i couldn't remember what the other flaw was. she would catch that. and as you stated in the previous line of your comment, the other flaw turns out to be the usage of cliches. you're probably aware of this though.
but yeah. i was remembering winter break, when so many of my friends and i could spend hours on SP chatting about random stuff. it was so much fun. and i miss them all. but life has just gotten so busy with school and such. i don't mean to feel like an old man or anything. i hate the idea of it. i don't very much like the idea of getting old at all, but it seems like i can't do anything about it. heh. i just hope i'll be content with what memories i've aquired, like that old man you wrote about "pondering around in the snow." Lad, that was the strongest image of your poem, in my mind. i loved it. it gives me hope for the future.
lately, i haven't even had much time to write poetry. maybe one a week, if i'm lucky. which makes me sad, because i love it so much. it's practically all i want to do. could i be a poet for a living? i wish!... anyhow, i'm still wanting to write something stream-of-consciousness, as we talked about before. if i can get myself to write it, i feel that such a poem would bring my writing to a whole new level. it's in me, somewhere. it's just a matter of getting it out. in time i suppose.
Pap
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heartfelt
No I didn't think it was sentimental. Personal and obscure for those of us not in the know. But effective; and not trite.
Some interesting images that readers couldlink into.
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heartfelt thanx
...for the comment.
it is a personal poem indeed. but i'm glad you thought it was effective all the same. and not trite either. that always seems tough to avoid when dealing with affection in poetry.
Pap
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MaMa-2-be-Cindy
February 11, 2008
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