Upon the shore he lays,
His old bones broken
From crashing waves.
A cliff hangs over him,
The man living for one purpose
That sits atop the peak.
He ponders upon his journey,
Only for a moment,
And reminds himself why
He has come this far,
And though he is utterly beaten,
Laying nearly lifeless,
With his last breaths,
He crawls toward the rocks
And begins to climb...
Reviews
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I like this poem, PG. It's got rugged and nearly desperate 'determination' all through it. At first reading, I saw Sisyphus, eternally determined to push that gigantic rock up the mountain once more. But a second reading made me realize that it's not about that tale; it seems to be about some universal, human purposefulness that won't be deterred. I sense immense courage in this.
I wonder if the first stanza's "broken bones" is logical if, toward the poem's end, he can still crawl toward the rocks and begin to climb again. You might want to consider changing "broken" to something else, maybe "wracked". Just a thought.
Good poem for me to enjoy. It's got heart, and the short lines sound like the bated breaths of an exhausted man who won't give up his dreamed victory "That sits atop the peak...", whether it's a glorious death or a strived-for material or spiritual treasure. That deliberate ambiguity, I think, gives the poem its strength.
Lad. Rewarded 8
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Well now, this is quite the interesting poem!
All I can say is...I love it! I formed an imagery inside my head when I read it.
The title states it all: Determination! I can feel the character and see that he's very determined to get to the top.
I loved how you used the structure as well.
In the poem, you tell the readers that the character is nearly lifeless and at the point of dying, yet at the end he's still alive and running.
Keep it up,
Sharon
. Rewarded 8
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I think it's great,I love the storyline you used to show that he won't give up.The top of that cliff could be so many things to that old man but anybody can realate to this.
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Insightful… optimism can’t be explained better than this, I guess… the waves, to me, are the problems in one’s life… though man knows that he is living to meet only one purpose, his eternal silence, he lives his life until his last breathe to meet Death… “Pondering upon his Journey” – realization – he contemplates here and realizes the purpose of living – this is how I fathom it…. Final stanza says it all…. He gives up not, he crawls towards some purpose even in his old age… Well penned!!!
Thanks for sharing
Love
-Kiddy
Lad
February 16, 2008
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