I have seen no dreams for many nights
And have felt not the gracious arms of sleep
That bind me into the rapture of oblivion.
No flights have I flown, and ventured no journeys
Into the realms of timeless creation.
Though I beg for sleep, it comes not-
For a dark thing looms over me,
Its breath smelling of foul, putrid flesh,
Its eyes black as night, yet clear as the air;
With a thousand teeth, it grins upon me
And emits a Hellish, guttural growl-
I tremble at its terrible countenance,
And, whether sun or stars fill the sky, I sleep not.
Constantly, it clings to the edge of my sight,
Watching my every waking moment,
Listening to every silent breath and thought.
I dared not look at it until the fateful night
That I grew brave enough to face it-
And when I looked, what I saw terrorized me
More than any creature I can conjure with words.
In the mirror that hangs on the opposite wall,
I saw myself-
Alone.
Author notes
I have felt alone many times in my life, and this was written during one of the worst.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Intense
This is beautiful, our styles and joys of writing almost collide. I feel as if I am really staring down this monstrosity to only find my own reflection. A reflection of the horrible creature inside my own being. I saw that you looked at one of my poems. I decided to return the favor, but found I couldn't leave the page with out saying something about this magnifigance.
-blackbirdhunter
www.myspace.com/deadroseofathens
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This has a nice build up...
good progression to the concluding vision of yourself as the Dar Thing. It really has the dark flavor of Poe or some of Wild's short stories. You've consciously chosen to use a classic word choice here 'I sleep not,' etc. I just wonder what it would read like using completely modern vocabulary and phrasing. Just a thought. I like the idea and the suspense of it. Cheers, MJ -
The awesome horror and terror of facing loneliness - I think you imaged it strongly here for me as a reader, Adam. It IS a menacing beast, those times when I, too, have cowered in the face of being "Alone." The poem's images for it are perfect: dark thing, black as night, clear as air, its guttural growl (nice play with alliteration and vowels there), its constant watching when sleep doesn't come. And the poem ends with a leaden thump, a hit of pain. Good poem for me to take in because the poet is utterly honest, emotionally and intellectually. Nice work all the way.
Later...
Lad -
I like how you worded this, flowing brilliantly to me
A dark write, emotion of desperation and feeling lost, alone, there.
Deep writing that I really enjoyed stopping in on
Cindy
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Great descriptive imagery!- brilliant use of modifiers, i could literally feel the actions behind your work. very refreshing. My work could do with some critique drop by and don't hold back!
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very good
you show a great amount of self reflection in your poems, you must sit around contemplating a lot. you write very well and get your point across the same. i often find myself staring into mirrors that i come across, a lot of thought comes from those times, staring at yourself, in your own eyes.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Scary!
The poem is great, and the subject is scary. That was brave of you to see yourself as a foul, black-eyed, fearsome monster. (I scare myself too when I wake up in the morning). Nice descriptions and imagery, especially the monster part. This was very poetic in that it said a lot in so few lines, and that it packed a lot of emotion in free verse.
Sorry, I'm not much of a critic, but I loved this poem. I used to have insomnia, too. I hope you are sleeping better these days.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Sorry
Sorry Piano Guy. My Flash Player isn't working -
Awwwwww
This is kinda cute in a sad and depressing way. To be honest at first I thought of like the boogeyman and was thinking of how cliche it would be, but then later on I realized that maybe it was something more subconous.
Anywho, I enjoyed it! I hope you don't really look in the mirror only to be frightened by your loneliness. That is sad, but I do see how people could relate.
Well done,
Ashley
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Thanks for the comment! This was written during a time in my life in which I was quite lonely. It reflects a fear that loneliness would follow me for the remainder of my life, a fear I began to have during that time. I don't feel that every time I look in the mirror, though, especially now.
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