Listen to my confession
I have an obvious obsession
I can’t beat it into repression
You remain my constant fascination
While I wander around my house in isolation
Whispering your name like an incantation
My love you did reject
Now it’s me I do neglect
And this is the reason I always wear black
And why my life is totally out of whack
You were my god: you were my muse
You are the one thing I can’t afford to lose
Losing you was like a living death
I need you like I need my next breath
Our love was like a long, expensive cigarette
Cancerous, stinky, and hard to forget.
You destroyed me when you said, “Let’s part.”
You put your cigarette out on my heart.
Life without you is a bitch,
A vicious, child-eating old witch
Who sucks out my poet’s imagination,
Who took me from childhood to adult inauguration.
I hear your mocking voice in my head
It plays back all the hurtful things you said
About how above it all you are
And how I should have admired you from afar
You said I’m a big dumb dyke
Whom no cool dude could ever like
You said I’ll die alone
You once covered me like a dome
I let you get away with too much
I needed you like Tiny Tim needed a crutch.
I should have said goodbye to you, but I can’t.
I could stalk you, but I shan’t.
I don’t need to cut you down to make myself feel better.
I said all I had to say in that one letter.
You burned my heart until it was black.
And I’m fool enough to take you back.
I’ll go to Hell, I’ll go to Heck.
Because I have no self-respect.
I know you don’t care, so I’ll just go away.
But I just have one last thing to say.
I would have loved you until death do us part.
Your rejection killed me; it tore me apart.
And now my dear, we are finally though.
It always had to be all about you.
Being with you has given me the crazies,
But I’m lucky; your last ex is pushing up daisies.
Not your fault? You say in a rush.
My dear, methinks thou dost protest too much.
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Author notes
Another "one that got away" poem. I was fatally in love with someone from my past who did not return my love. Such is life.
What do I need to improve? Imagery? Rhyming scheme? How can I make this more "poetic?"
Comments
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How to make it more poetic you ask?! umm..toughie.
The first thing I would change, and maybe not just for this poem, is the rhyming. I see that you are following a scheme, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I think this is one of those times. With the length of your lines and size of your verses, the rhyming makes it hard for the words to flow.
Try reading your poetry out-loud, but instead of thinking about each word as an individual. Or each line as something in itself. Try thinking that each word is a screw holding together a part, which are the lines, and that each part is holding together the machine. That is confusing is it not?!?!
ummm...if that makes no sense try thinking of the whole poem as one sentence. When you talk to someone, you don't same each syllable, you just come out with it, the whole sentence. So like talking, your poetry should flow out. Yes you can add in commas and such to create pauses, but that is like adding effect to a dull story, making it better.
Sry if that doesn't help. I do like the whole idea of this poem though. You may just need to work on finding the style that fits your skills the best.
Keep trying,
Ashley
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