By the cherry wood
framed French windows
I see your shadow floating
absently as you leave
I have always felt
like a shadow across
the sprawling warmth of this
empty house.
Where you heading now---
to the lovely figure of youth
warming your other bed
while ours is wanting
You sleep at your desk
feigning work while fumbling
across the keyboard
for adoration to strawberry blond curls
while my straight black hair
limps morose.
Reckless abandon escaped us
as we sit up straight,
use salad forks
and work around schedules
that leave us as dark spots
behind each other
the penumbra gone
and the illusion over.
I sign the papers in nostalgia
as I watch you---
suitcase and soul in hand,
from these French windows
Separating us
eternal.
say what you think.
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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It was powerful
But I didn’t get what it was about. Sounds like a break up poem. I’m terrible at interpreting poems so give me hint. Otherwise it was very captivating writing even if I didn’t completely understand it.
Bill
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Hi Bill,
My apologies for the delayed reply. I haven't been around the site much these days. Life outside the internet has taken much of my time. Anyway, i'm glad that despite feeling lost about what the poem is you still found it captivating. In truth you got it. It is a break up poem, to be specific about marriage. So, you weren't so far off. Thanks for the read Bill. Always good to hear your thoughts on my work.
-iphios
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Iphios, I'm very glad I did not miss this one. This is a gentle meditation on the dissolution of a marriage, or at least, a long-term relationship, characterized by a host of hollow and curious formalities- the French windows themselves of cherry wood recall a more restrained, genteel time, followed by "sit[ting] up straight," "salad forks," and working "around schedules." Curious, I suppose, because it seems accurate to portray a relationship, once comfortable and familiar, becoming a pair of strangers, who refer to each other by their full names, and eventually, have to consult with attorneys to parcel out the things they once shared so informally.
I love the little word surprises you plant in your pieces, and here I was not disappointed with "penumbra," and "limps morose." I also loved the continued use of the references to darkness and shadow, fitting for the brunette wife who knows she is being gradually eclipsed by solar strawberry.
A rich, poignant piece, and fiercely thoughtful.
Pie
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Hi Pie,
I'm glad you didn't missed this out either. I haven't been able to leave comments and consequently i don't have enough points to feature my poems. I've been absent as well, and only get to visit once in a while to reply to comments. You pick up on the poem really well. I'm glad you saw the details, your liking for 'penumbra' and 'limp morose' made me glad, as they were one those things that i debated to use or not.
Also, it is good to here that i capture such event accurately as this was a mix of imagination and memories of childhood. Thanks again Pie, your always a good read, even in the comments section.
-iphios
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The first image sets it up well..
The image of your casting a shadow across the "sprawling warmth" of the house gives us a clear idea of the condition of the relationship and feeling of mood. 'sprawling' also gives us something, further image of something that started or became soemthing too vast for you. The voice is resigned, aware of all the unconnected possibilities, the maladroitness of the relationship. I just had a picture pop in of Emily Dickinson on the other end of her only relationship, expressing the same kind of sardonic irony and far-sighted acceptance of the conditions of the breakup. I think the mention of "reckless abandon" set me off on that path. Should be 'these' french windows. The only problem for me is the very end. Three possibilities:
"...from these french windows
separating us
eternal.
"...from these french windows
separating us
eternally.
or the third possiblilty on the last line:
'for eternity.'
This is a fine piece and I think you need to have a solid ending, just some suggestions. Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 8
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Hi MJ,
I'm glad to see your comments on my poems, they have been reassuring and helpful. I took your advice on the ending, but decided the first option to be best, as it simply delays 'eternal' without changing the words. The mention of Emily Dickinson made me smile, as you are the second person to mention her in relation to my poetry.
I appreciate your thoughts on the poem, you understand the vastness of it completely.
-iphios
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William McGarvey
February 20, 2008