Posessed by the Muse Devine
Ignoring housework, ignoring time.
An electric high greater than cocaine
Consumes by crazed, feavered brain.
Sized in a fit of inspiration
like St. John's Book of Revelation.
When I write, I ignore all sanitary care
I brood; I obsess
I eate my hair
Oh, what a mess!
To madness I come close
Like a ten cup coffee overdose
Chasing the creative dragon
Instead of TV-watching lollygagging.
Simple singsongs flow from my pen,
the same thmemes come up yet again,
Lost love, found love, ode to dead mom,
Embarrassing stuff composed with no aplomb.
I can't write as beautifully as Edgar Allen Poe,
Emily Dickenson, or Arthur Rimbaud
My poems are an inky blunder
Compared to the poetic gods I worship under.
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Author notes
This is unfinished, but I thought it would be good to have some input.
What do I need to improve? Imagery? Rhyming scheme? How can I make this more "poetic?"
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like this...
... and completely identify with it, when I'm writing i don't want anybody around at all, I'm in my pyjamas all day and don't care if I haven't had a shower for a week, use every dish and cup before washing them, eat takeaways rather than real food... I'm the female equivalent of the Big Lebowski. But hey, i can... and so can you, it seems!
Best RA -
This is super-duper.
I like the humorous lilt so ever-present in your lines. It's like everything is written to a smirk and I cannot help but join you in besmirkedness. I love that. Your stuff is a joy to read, LJ. You really are talented and I for one DO feel you write beautifully. You needn't worship but ascend your newly constructed pedestal courtesy of me.
Good stuff.
al
p.s. Your capitalization is wonky. I believe there should be some sort of hyphenation in singsong and lollygagging, and there's an extra "m" in thmemes, "by crazed" should me "my crazed" and I believe it should be "fevered" and not "feavered".
cheers, babs.
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Thank you!
I was just re-reading this poem again and thinking, God, this sucks! Thank you for telling me it's good. But I do agree with McGarvey that it is rough around the edges.
Thanks for boosting my ego, AL. I seriously needed it. And yes, I will read some more of your work, and I'll try not to kiss your ass, but only if I can wear lipstick this time! -
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This doesn't suck
it's great, lj. The rhyme scheme is teriffic(as always with yours) and the only roughness is in typos, capitalizations, misspells and a few misplaced hyphens. Other than that, it's great. I'm not blowing sunshine up your ass. If I thought it stunk, that's what I'd tell you. But I thought it was a great little ditty that captures that small moment of pondering purpose in poetic existence that often dawns on all of us as we engage in this hobby. I often ask myself "why?" and I don't know, but it's like an insatiable drive to put my thoughts through my fingers to create what is always bustin' outta me. And anything's fair game. If I think it, I write it. Sometimes the stuff is insipid but at least I was writing instead of just thinking about writing. And so I believe I improve. If you feel that this is just one of those exercises and you're not terribly impressed with it, hey, that's cool....but I for one enjoyed it thoroughly and so I told you so.
So there.
Sincerely and with all the genuine happy-slappy feeling I can muster,
al
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Pretty good
I found this one an amusing piece. Liked the irony mixed in with some witty comments that rhymed. The rhymes are bit rough around the edges but I really enjoyed it.
Some people have that gift of rhyme, they easily and naturally make their poems rhyme in a way that is unforced. I’m definitely not one of those people, so I gave up trying to rhyme a long time ago.
A humorous piece that made me smile
Bill
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Thank you!
I agree: the rhymes are rough, now that I look at it. "Creative lollygagging." UGH! What was I thinking? I desperately needed a rhyme for dragon. I'm glad it made you smile.
Even though some of my rhymes suck, it comes easily to me. I love to rhyme and play word games with rhymes. Thank you for the wonderful comments!
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Funny images in abundance...
and a tongue firmly in your cheek. Amused me, nice one. -
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Thank you! Sorry it took so long for me to reply to this. I didn't see your comment for some reason. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I live for feedback, positive or negative. I'll check out some of your poems, too. Thanks again for commenting!
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