I am forced to flee
nightly the odious thunder
of your apnea.
Author notes
This one earned me a raspberry from my husband.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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100%
This was totally funny.
The first two lines had me thinking thunderstorm and then BAM!
Funny!
(*Poor feller!)
BTW:
I call my grandbaby Pie!language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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A fun slap...
This is a nice little jewel here. Poetic snoring.. how cool is that?
I like it because it does not strike me necessarily as harsh, but fun and sarcastic in a way... just the like way so many couples communicate. Nicely done and thanks for the laugh.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Hi, Mark. Thanks for reading and enjoying this little haiku. Always glad to entertain.
Pie
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Ouch!
Short and bittersweet. Hope you got spanked for your cheek! -
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I didn't. And I feel cheated.
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Haha. This made me laugh. What a lovely way to speak of snoring and deciding to sleep in the couch. Unique and humorous. A pleasant surprise of a poem. I have not much to say, but i had to search into my psych classes to recall a discussion on apnea.
-iphios -
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Hi, Iphios. Glad you enjoyed this little piece. People always seem to appreciate true stories. Hubby snores like a bear!
-Pie
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Lauren, I very nearly missed this one - and another just after this. Lately, I've been on the site a lot less than before, to get some distance and perspective on my own and other's stuff and their thoughts. Not seeing this one featured, I'm glad I searched for and clicked on it now.
I like it, the first haiku-style poem I've seen of yours. Nicely wry touch in it, tiptoeing through - no, RUNNING from - hubby's "odious thunder" of snoring. Thunder can be ominous, and so can "apnea". No wonder the poet flees. And those slanted rhymes are subtle and pleasing to my ears: to flee, nightly; o-di-ous thun-der, your ap-ne-a. Jeez, even in a shorty poem you don't let up! Now I'll show this to Wayne, and of course he'll throw back my own apnea, the rascal.
Lad -
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Hey, Lad. Boy, it's good to see your face again. I know just what you mean about taking time away-- I went through something similar. I didn't put any rewards or anything on this one-- just posted and hoped for the best-- and look! I got you!
I take it things are going well with you and rascally Wayne.
Luv,
Lauren
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