Tale Of Old London Town

A striking event today of a curious nature most interesting,
And one indeed very worthy of delineating in the old diary.
I was cutting along Fleet Street at about 10 in the forenoon
When a fellow accosted me outside that rather good pie shop
You know the one next to the barber’s I think you’ll know it.
So what thinks you of this, said cove was in an awful pickle.
“Don’t go in there for a cut,” says he, well gurgles truth-to–tell,
Because I could not help but observe he was bleeding profusely
And a tidy flow of blood was issuing from the poor devil’s throat
What is more in addition it appeared his pate was split in twain.
“God man!” I could not but blaspheme, “what has become of you?”
How did you arrive at this so dreadful condition, might I enquire?"
“I only asked for a short back and sides” he gurgled, "but I fear that
Swine Sweeney may have taken a little bit too much off the top.
I’m here to warn you sir and any punters from frequenting Todd’s
He must be the worst hairdresser in London and his copies of Punch,
Well my dear sir they ‘ll be last century’s issues at least if you’re lucky.
And don’t go near that partner of his Mrs. Lovett's bloody meat pies neither,
I nearly chipped a tooth on one of those, too much gristle by half there.
Way too much body in’em if you wants my honest opinion my good sir.
Anyway see you take my advice and cut along to a more decent barber
If you’re needing tonsorial services and give Mr Sweeney Todd a wide berth."
Then he choked a bit and uttered: "Oh lore that's torn it I'm undone!"
I thought this chap had already fairly lost his head when blow me down he did.
Literally, right off , it tumbled down from his neck like a Parisian aristocrat’s.
For those who read this entry let's agree things cannot get much worse in a peaceful thoroughfare
Like Fleet Street. It's to our eternal shame this modern world of our's is headed for the gutter.

Factual footnote - Fleet Street became home of all British newspapers and to be known colloquially as "The Street Of Shame" where some known as "the gutter press" plied their trade.