We are fireflies of the night
gaining freedom with our light,
across the dark and lonely sky
we flicker into a magical sight.
I am no firefly without you
you color my world of grey and blue,
You warm me up to burn and flare
to spark a dream, to hope, to dare.
You are no firefly without me
My wings will carry you away and free,
To race the waves and fluff the clouds
encircle you with love without strings nor bounds.
Tonight the heavens dimmed the moon
as brightly we dance the wind's familiar tune,
only together can this fire unfold
The ashes of truths our hearts safely hold.
We are fireflies, you and I
see you by the tree on the hill
tonight.
back to basic....i just needed to...
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
-
Have you been keeping bad company?
Hey Scrambledthoughts! Welcome back. Where have you been? Hanging round Allpoetry or somewhere similar by the looks of this poem I'm afraid. Your grumpy old Windhover hasn't changed much I'm afraid and he's still no fan of rhyming, metered poetry. To do it well requires a master's touch, total control of the language and huge attention to detail. Otherwise every little flaw and deviation from the scheme glares angrily, demanding attention from even the most uncultured ear. This doesn't scan and you change the rhyme-scheme at will. But my major beef with this type of rhyme-scheme is that feeling always suffers in favour of form. I'm afraid this doesn't escape that trap either.
Okay, so you've gathered I'm not impressed with this. I really AM sorry about that, I SO wanted to make you feel welcome and I still do because you are. But this is SHAREPOETRY and we call a spade a spade here. This is a regression for you and we both know you can do better. Maybe you'll be angry with me and let me have it between the eyes. I'd rather that than this.
Big Hugs (but dooks up just in case!) John.
-
-
hehe, hi john!
this is actually the welcome back speech i was waiting for, from you.....i know exactly what u mean, i was actually hiding when i was posting it coz you might see me and tell me to my face everything u said here....but, (well Im not stubbornthoughts for nothing!) i just needed to do it this way. i dont know, it just came out like this. maybe because i wrote it on paper first. it usually ends up like this when i write drafts. i used to type drafts on my pc and they end up more spontaneous.....also, i dunno,maybe its the feel of the poem or something.....whatever..hehe
maybe the sequel will be a lot better! (i hope!) hehe.
im not angry with you....just pissed ...LOL, just kidding....thanks John, for always being the teacher i never had. This is well taken and very much appreciated....
smooches,
lynne
-
-
Hey, Lynne, it's so good to have you back among us - where the hell have you been, my poetic dear? This comeback poem is, for me as I see it in my mind's eye, terrific. It's full of lovely light, like those little flickers of gold on the tails of fireflies. I think you've taken something as ever-fascinating as that winged insect and brought it up to very sweet lyricism. This poem is what a lyric poem ought to be, in my opinion, and it adds love and depth to the mix: "Tonight the heavens dimmed the moon / as brightly we dance the wind's familiar tune..." That's such good writing, as is the whole poem.
And I like the traditional rhyming format of this piece, too, because it makes the poem even more into something like a song - which it is, a song and a dance of fireflies like lovers "on the hill...tonight." Wonderfully tender!
Glad you're back!!
Lad -
-
howdy Lad!
i've been around....hmmm, busy, lazy, distracted, lol.
Thank you for this very generous comment. If I hadn't known you better, I would think you just wrote this to make me feel better after John's nasty comment (haha!) -- but I know you mean everything u said here, sometimes, even leading me to discover the wonders of what I wrote that I havent seen yet..you did that here.
All you said are the real images I wanted to portray, and to sum it all up, images of happiness. This is from actual encounters with fireflies at some place near me, and watching them flicker above me just takes me to heaven or somewhere like it.
Thanks again, Lad...you are as sweet as ever - another thing that I miss around here, actually (the other one is John's grumpiness...hehe)...having said that, I better go before he finds me
hugs,
Lynne
-
-
Hey Lynne!
Very nice poem about someone you care about a lot. A bit Hallmark if I may be blunt, but a nice read none the less. It isn’t easy to rhyme but you have done this beautifully here! Really glad to see you back!
Bill
-
-
Thanks Bill!
Hallmark or not, the fact that you read and liked it means a lot to me...
really really glad to be back too!
L
-
-
I like this a lot. I can see how it can be viewed as being a bit "Hallmark", as William points out, but I have never been one to worry over that. There are many days when I just love Hallmark and I will even openly embrace the corny at times. This is not corny, though. It strikes me as heartfelt and sincere, and it is very well crafted. A consistent form that delivers a steady rhythm to the reader's ear. Very well done, and I think anyone who would be the receiver of this artistic message would be very fortunate, and impressed.
-
-
yep.
the person i was referring here already read this and can only express response with a really big smile.
well this is heartfelt, maybe thats why you felt that too.
thanks, mark
Lynne
-
-
Loved it.
Starts well but gets a little shakey towards the end. However, this is a very nice piece and with only a little work can be transformed into a gem.
-
-
thanks a lot!
Lynne
-
-
This is simple, yet beautiful
Hey buddy,
this is truly a simplistic piece. But through that rises pure beauty. The words weave a subtle & powerful meaning and the flow is rather like a gentle river too. The soft & gentle atmosphere u created here almost made me wanna cuddle with someone and take a long nap. Anyways ... thnx a lot for this piece.
Abhi
Windhover
February 25, 2008