You wrung me out
with your lies
you talk with supercalifragilistic
words that make no sense
revealing no truths
vague words that leave most
drop jaw
and at awe to nothing
hiding behind
complex sentences
tied around with semi-colons
commas and ellipses.
Long winding marriages of words
that overwhelm the common
and mislead the careless.
wrapped up ideas
in elitist paper and eloquent promises
but what makes you better,
does your free world
make all else worth conquering?
How can our birth rites, our names,
our skin, our traditions
be nothing more
but mere scum to your hierarchy
of rights?
You cross our lines
and you hold integrity
benevolence and power
you CROSSED our lines
you trespass, break our lives
into honey sweet promises
that pave way to nothing
but your ego.
Your ego---
depraving every soul
of their right to be:
to be people
that can sing their songs
can speak their words
can earn their living,
and dance beneath the freedom
of their own sun.
say what you think.
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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I hope there is anger in this...
Because I felt anger. I felt a person with great confidence standing up to someone of false intelligence. I almost picture a emperor of ancient times, and this poem coming from the one learned commoner brave enough to confront him. Part of what I enjoyed so much about this is the range of possibility for the audience. I could picture this being delivered to any number of modern day politicians from around the world, a ruler of ancient times, a false prophet of some kind, or even a loved one in certain circumstances. The only suggestion I would make is possibly trying other words in place of "supercalifragilistic". The whole poem had a really nice flow and beat to it that I enjoyed, but that large word in that one line seemed awkward to me. Even in my second and third reading of it, it still felt like a hurdle for my reading... just a couple syllables too long. Perhaps others will say it is fine, and it very well may be. It just didn't work too well for my own reading. That is one small suggestion for a poem that is pretty outstanding, though. Very nice work!
. Rewarded 8
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Yes, there is anger. I'm glad you felt it Mark. And you capture that point of the poem perfectly. You were able to see the idea that this is spoken by a commoner to a person of power/responsibility.
On your suggestion, the reason i used the very big word was because it was meant to be big. It was meant to be a large word. But i see what you mean. I'll try to keep the word as is in the meantime. I'll just wait for other people suggestions. But i see how it could be a problem. Glad you liked it Mark and thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate it.
-iphios
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Combustible comments!
I felt properly put in my place, rammed there, nailed down with a sledgehammer, never to rise again. It is sad, because a large vocabulary is the burden I carry, and I will have to fight it, bash it into oblivion--oops, obscuri-- NO, nihili-- NO, to blah.
It is very possible I am to blame here. That's who I am. It is NOT ego. I threw that out years and years ago and (delete word) found life far --um-- easier with nothing to get defensive about.
Nothing beats a real rant though to expurgate and expunge! It was an exemplary way to excise idiots like me.
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By the way, I have no idea where the fierce roaring rage came from, but it certainly wiped the slate clean!
And seriously, it is an excellent poem by all standards, one of the very best, ever. Made my day, you did!
With total respect and some misplaced humour,
Terry
(Apologizing for all previous transgressions
I just can't help it.)
. Rewarded 8
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Hi Terry,
Somehow your comment made me laugh. But i'm glad you still liked it. I have nothing against people with large vocabularies, though i don't like it when people use large vocabularies without real meaning to their words, then misleading those who don't understand. It has nothing to do with those who have rich vocabulary, as i too strive to grow in that area. But some people use legal, political, or scientific terms...big words to enforce power. Its the misuse of that knowledge, the misleading, the ulterior motive that pisses me off. It just cries out oppression.
Thanks again Terry for sharing your thoughts. Its always a pleasure to hear from you.
-iphios
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Expialidocious!
Words as a tool of oppression. Oh yes certainly, Iphios!
Had to laugh at Terry´s witty comment below - I´m egotistical enough to retain the conceit that I might upon occasion fall into the same category. But like you say richness of vocab isn´t a bad thing (whew).
Not for nothing do most rewrites of the Old Testiclement start with "In the Beginning there was the Word".
Word up.
The Turks among others engage in extreme measures to supress the Kurdish language. English as the present lingua franca renders unfair advantage to many and serves to empower some to the detriment of native tongues.
Not for nothing were two of the four main Roman educational subjects orally biased.
But hang on. If words can be so potent why don´t poets rule the world?
Damn that´s my thesis out the window (or defenestrated if I was trying to impress, which..errr..I´m not).
Or is it that we poets fail to equate wordcraft with world domination? Hmmm...a cunning plan is slowly forming...
Erudite rant, Iphios. Being ticked off does you no injustice!
Warmest regards
gG
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Hey gG!
Your comment made me laugh. Well, poets seem to not equate wordcraft with world domination...they prefer to stay away from attention. But if you do find a way for your cunning plan to happen let me know. Haha.
There is truth to the thought that words can be oppressive, maybe not as much as violence, but it can. Glad you enjoyed this poem gG. Its always great to hear your thoughts on my work. See you around.
-iphios
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It's good to see Iphios in an angry mood, and this poem expresses it plainly. I hear it as an irritant, even as a wound, from the "people / that can sing their songs / can speak their words / can earn their living, / and dance beneath the freedom / of their own sun." In other words(!), the people who live not for words but who use words accurately and simply so they can be real and truly human. Lately, as you imply in the poem, I've been listening and trusting the words of the powerless much more than the high-toned words of the powerful, which are, as the poem says, usually "lies". Hiding behind latinate and polysyllabic words is the ancient trick of the oppressor, and truth has a hard time popping out their brainy hats. Anyway, you've poeticized all that in a straightforward way, and I like it.
I especially liked 'supercalifragilistic' as an ultimately absurd example of what the poem is saying - thanks to Mary Poppins; you quote her well here, Iphigene. And the caps on the second CROSSED are just right, a subtle way of imaging not only a boundary crossed, but a crucifixion on which language and people are nailed repeatedly. Nice work altogether!
Later...
Lad -
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Hi Lad,
Yes, anger can produce poems, thanks for appreciating my emotion in this poem. Oppressors have mastered the art of complex statements and big words. They hold the ignorant in their hands with their words. There are people who are easily awed by the use of complex statements and sometimes they get lost in meaning; at this weakness i have seen many use this for their own benefit. Its appalling.
I'm glad you saw the intention behind the capitalized CROSSED. As always lad, thanks for picking on the nuances. Good to hear from you.
-iphios
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Mark McNulty
March 1, 2008