The darkest corner of my soul
tears me down with relentless force
in spite of my constant effort
to close its iron doors for good.
Chilled by haunting echoes within
the darkest corner of my soul,
I turn away from your caress
and hold fast to virtue and faith.
Yet my plea is splintered in two
and shattered by satin whispers.
The darkest corner of my soul
unleashes my burning desire.
Weakened by touch, your tender kiss,
I rest in your unholy arms.
Oppressive guilt is cast off to
the darkest corner of my soul.
Author notes
Cindy had the challenge of writing a quatern out there (http://sharepoetry.com/column/206), so I made a stretch and gave it a go. The title is also pretty random... but I figured if I am making a stretch in form, why not make a stretch in title, too. The one area of doubt I had was "desire"... I danced all around and felt it worked as two syllables but, depending on accents and dialect, see that it could be called three. But I stuck with it, believing it worked as two. Anyway, let me know what you think about my meeting the quatern form, my title, and the poem in general. Thanks!
So... what do you think?
Comments
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A 'dark night of the soul'...
and you can sense the turmoil, tossing and turning and tangled sheets coiling around that soul. Almost like a monk or priest in the throes of great temptation. My memory's on vacation today and I can't think of the title of the movie about a mexican priest in the same dilemma. In terms of scan, I didn't se any problems with that. Nice work, Mark - MJ -
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Thanks for the cool comment and review. I am glad you liked it! All my best...
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Ah, Mark, the terribly conflicted feelings of being torn in two, and both halves seek the good, at least the "good" as we can see it when under the throes of a pulling tempation. The poem is a fine theological treatise on right and wrong, virtue and sin - but it wonderfully manages to rise above being a tract, and it becomes a poem. Really nice work, skillful to the max in images and in form.
"Close its iron doors for good"
"...turn away from your caress"
"shattered by satin whispers"
"your unholy arms" -- all of those are, for me, exceptionally bright-dark images and finely written. Nice work all the way for me to enjoy reading.
Yes, "desire" can be two or three syllables, but I like it just as you have it, and all the prissy rules of a quatern be damned. I think a poet has the absolute right to fiddle at will with a standard form (as long he keeps the general form intact), and you've kept to your chosen form with panache and skill. Just my opinion, but I hope you don't change a thing in this beauty, Mark. Bravo!
Lad -
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Thanks, Lad. Once again, the time and thought put into this review is very much appreciated.
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hey mark
this is a beautiful write..and the effort you have taken to make this a quatern is spelndid!!
I read the whole thing more than once
Good one!
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Many thanks for taking the time read it (more than once!) and comment on it. Your thoughts and words are, as always, very much appreciated!
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Hey Mark,
Being torn between the long term and short term goals. We have many aspects of ourselves on many levels. Almost like an onion with layers, and those layers being evolution from reptilian instincts to the divine. All these forces tug at us and it is up to us which ones to pay attention to. And in turn they grow within us and eventually take us over without us even knowing about it.
There is a famous quote from Saint Augustine (that I can’t quote word for word) but it was something like. "The good that I wish to do, that I do not and the evil that I will not, that I do." (something like that anyway)
Very interesting read, Mark
Bill
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Thanks Bill
Thank you for taking the time for such a thoughtful and meaningful comment on my poem. It is timely, too, since I am reading St. Augustine's "Confessions" right now! It is much appreciated, as always. All my best...
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hey mark
whenever you get in the situation where the angel is telling you one thing and the devil to do the other, the devil always kicks ass.
my not big on form altough i think this one has some value because of the repetition which is sometimes a great tool.
i think you should drop August from the title, it ruins the aliteration.
good write
dave -
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Thanks...
As always, your thoughts are very much appreciated. I see your point about dropping August from the title and may make that move. For now, I think will leave it but it is certainly warming up for the change. Thanks for taking the time give it such consideration. All my best...
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Well well
Quite a very GREAT effort here Mark
What a great line to have...to come back to etc..I love that line
I love the darkness expressed in this, you have done it so well...The form shows how much a poem can have a rhythm to the words and yours did prove this Mark.
I was praying of course that I wouldn't find a line with more then 8 syllables..But I did lol and I so hate pointing out but you know I would be honest etc etc blah blah blah lol
--unleashes my burning desire.
So on the technical side of things in re: to your notes is that it is technically 3 syllables...sorry lol
But christ dont worry, I will be checking mine a hundred times before posting lol
The title for me is great..it gives a slightly darker feel to it, fitting with the poem but doesnt give anything away which is cool, sometimes thats okay with a title
Great work Mark...Love that you took the challenge up and produced a wonderful read
Here is a link for the syllable counter I use..not all the time but definetly to check if I'm not sure etc
http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp
Cindy
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Argh... you and that web site are just going to be a stick in the mud on that 3 syllable "desire", aren't you? Part of me thinks I should change it ("passion" perhaps, or "burning desire" to "primal instinct"), but I do like it as is and I KNOW there is someone out there that can say it in two syllables. I'll scour the country looking for them so I feel better about keeping it there. lol Thanks for the kind comments and the thought you put into this, and thanks for offering the challenge!
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