I feel guilty when I don’t come here
and participate....
And I can’t seem to help myself
from checking in every day.
Which plays me into.....
(where’s my beer?....Oh! here in my lap...)
“you get what you put into it”.
I have been teasing myself,
by finding a program
that puts spoken words into text.
I can’t type for shit,
but I can blab all day.....
Dreams of writing....
When I have to type;
I lose content....
and congruity.
“All I have to do
issss pay with my debit card....”,
Says the Gollum inside me.
(Could this world be that easy?)
If I can make
the grocer,
and the pharmacist,
laugh,
maybe I can make the world......
So anyway,
I am resentful in my guilt....
and I stew in my isolation,
until no distraction
will suffice.
Whining, “noone cares”,
when it is,
ultimately,
me,
who is the distancer.
So much easier....
to shrink up;
spend my life alone.
Having no challenges,
no people,
no variables,
to have to calculate into my day.
One day I find
that even the kitchen chair,
that I imbue
with stability,
becomes a gauge of my sanity.
It dances and chides me
from right outside my vision.
In a weird game of tag,
I touch it,
needing it
to be solid.
I am trying to come to grips
with the idea
that the world
is a giant roller coaster.
It is my mind,
that refuses,
to just sit back
and enjoy the ride.
As deep as you want to go.......
Comments
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I Like it
A very enjoyabnle ride, a very enjoyable roller coaster, a awquard game of tag
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And I enjoyed "the ride" of this really sharp poem about not being able to make a poem, from the poet's obsession (and that's the truth!) with words, to that beer in the poet's lap, to her honestly written flaws, to her imaging that fantastic Jewish little demon, Gollum, within her, to her seeing the solidity of her chair just at the edge of sight, envying its confident being, to her final fight for accepting what all of us go through every day within and without our poetry: enjoying the ride.
What a good poem this is, full of humility in its theme and skill in its lines; all the details make it even more interesting and readable - and true. Really nice work for me to "just sit back / and enjoy..."!
Later...
Lad
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