** Not one poem, but a short collection I put together while playing with haiku **
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Atlantic ripples
tickle my cold naked feet
while hermit crabs dance.
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Mice search for morsels,
invading forbidden land.
Rogue hawk waits outside.
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Flies bounce off water,
joyful in morning's embrace.
Rainbow trout rises.
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Emerald green blades
sparkle in crystal raindrops.
Mosquitoes rejoice.
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Mighty humpback whale
sings with unending delight
as harmless krill die.
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Silent futile cries
echo through the vast forest.
Spider claims her prize.
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Blistering north winds
whip heaven and fragile earth,
snowflakes glide care free.
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Black banana peel
decaying in couse gravel,
a feast for many.
Author notes
A while back I took a stab at Haiku and called it "Hopefully Haiku", which now rests in the archive. I did some things well, but missed a couple elements, too. Cindy's poem "Day at the River" gave me that spark to try again, so here is the result of my playing around with haiku for a second time. I did some more, too, but tied them together for "24 Hour Haiku". I have my own doubts about the last one, but I hope the others fit as haiku and I certainly hope you enjoy them.
The title? I liked "Hopefully Haiku" very much, and according to what I found online "futame" means "for a second time" in Japanese
So... what do you think?
Comments
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thnx for the feed back on my poem
and ur right about the typo
again thnx soo much
!!!
-ashle -
Pretty true to the formula...
From my understanding the first two lines introduce a scene and the third line introduces the twist or the irony of the situation. And classic haiku is always nature oriented as are these. I thought each one of these was evocative and effective. Cheers, MJ -
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Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts. I amg lad you enjoyed these!
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Myself not really used to Haikku I think the world of these you shared with us. They are of strong expression, of brilliant imagery and even with some wit to stir a smile or an "ahh". Truly enjoyable! Ulla
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on these. Even though you were unfamiliar with haiku before, I am glad you were able to get so much from these little guys!
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where words probe deepest
these eight haiku's refined form
creates vast meaning
nicley done!
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Just passing along a late "thank you" for you comments on this collection!
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Terrific!
A nice collection of haikus, Mark. Many images of “crabs dancing” and “mosquitoes rejoicing” to “ dieing krill”. The “Silent futile cries” was eerie and the “feast for many” very witty. Left me with many impressions that took a while to digest since they are very potent haikus.
Enjoyed it very much, well done!
Bill
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Thanks for your thoughts/comments! This is a little late in coming but I wanted to make sure you knew it was appreciated!
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Again to me perfect haiku writing Mark..
You did put some great metaphors and imagery within your haiku's..
I loved every single one lol and honestly could have kept readingh lol
I like the last one..but feel maybe it would be better not on the end but somewhere else throughout etc..But sitll is says a lot ...so many of these do the haiku thing & speak in volumes Mark...So very well done to me...TOP MARKS, MARk
lol
Cindy
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thanks! I meant to get the thank you on here earlier but looked past this one for some reason. Better late than never!
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