A moment,
A thing so small
It nestles,
Gently,
In the palm
Of a curious child's hand...
And, like a feeling examined,
Escapes deftly
Between enclosing fingers.
Yet, here I sit,
My face cradled
Snugly against your chest.
Savoring each tick of the clock;
Again,
And again, I see
The second my cheek
Settles into the intimate
Warmth of your embrace.
In a moment,
This place
Will tack away
On the currents of time,
Heeding not my desire
For it to stay.
As deep as you want to go.......
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
liked it alot, well done!
language: 3, rhythm: 3, tone: 4, form: 2.
-
It is beautiful
Wow. I would have to say my favorite part of this poem is when you begin to talk about the warm embrace and the intimate ways it feels. I myself have dealt with things like this and the way this poem appeals to me reminds me that i have found that one moment in time, that i wish everyday that this moment would keep going. It's the way i feel in so little words about my fiance.
Thank you so much
-
I like the style, it took a few readings for the words to sink in but sink in they did. It took me a while to remember what tacking was, then it came to me and this helped to make things nuch clearer. If there is a fault and it is the uneven verses in line quantity, but apart from that it was beautiful.
language: 2, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
-
Clever title!
I found myself intriged by it. All through this poem I'm thinking at each stanza - what a delightful image - but that title makes no sense. What an anadorable way to describe time slipping away - but what about that title. That's a beautiful image - I don't get the title. When I finished I thought but what about the title it makes absolutl...
wait a minute...In a moment This place Will tack away On the CURRENTS of time! WOW What a CLEVER title. I love it. This is wonderful. I'm starting to learn to be able read them even though the rhythms
are what I'm used to hearing. Did you mean to leave stanzas three and four next
to each other?
-
"Funny How Time Slips Away..."
and some of it goes faster than others, "Time flies when you're havin' fun" and all that. Making yourself aware of each second of intimacy before it escapes, making it a stronger fragment of memory for you. I like the image of "this place / will tack away" giving the image of full blown sails "on the currents of time" Nice work, Cheers, MJ -
hrmm... this is very good
made me think of all the times i wished for the same thing
that i could extend the pleasure of those precious moments
that i could hold on to them and bring them with me
pull them out and relive them whenever i needed it
very well done
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
-
I wish ...
we could press a button and relive any moment we wanted to. but then again, life would be boring, and there would be no true happiness. if we live for those moments now, what would be left to live for? I love poetry with time in it. it's always beautiful. Great write. Much love.
-
if only....
we cold capture a moment, a time.
would they still be a moment?
would they lose there speical, there warmth
a great read, and a thought often thought.
it was great
flawless
-colton macy
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
-
Laurel, this was great.
I remember many moments of my life that I have longed to capture and relive later and this is a great description of the emotion in such ephemeral moments. But then, if moments were more than such they'd lose their beauty. The intransigence of time is what lends the moment it's luster. This was really good.
al
-
hey laurel
this was a sweet read. the desire to somehow capture time, to make the good times last. reminds me of the jim croce song, time in a bottle. romantic and sentimental.
dave
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
