If you could find the figure-
the other artist to draw you,
out of context- objectify-
see in a biased, a personal light,
or, in the light of a tree
or of a city lamp-
only not- complete and ready formed.
If that other figure, other artist-
stepping out of molded light- could strip,
bare utterly the body and,
make pliant the unbendable
sheerly by a force of vision.
Do all of this to see one in,
the tangle of a sheet or stretch of water,
or in the quickness of a glance,
so that the personal (formed
of mores, corrections, words,
and faulted attitudes) could leap out of focus,
escape onto another plane- exist
at last with some autonomy.
this kind of gift-
more potent than a resurrection
or resuscitation-
is what makes from a man
a savior or a demi-god; all of this,
This which turns a flame into a cleasing fire
whose charring
can be seen only from the corner of the eye,
obliquely-
or in the seconds flicker of a lens.
by destruction only can we
save another-
love is secondary-
Author notes
Its not that I'm terribly unhappy with this poem but more that I feel it could be greatly improved without changing the essential theme or essence. I know there's a lot of talent and experience on here, hopefully I'll get to take advantage of that. Thanks.
By the way, for anyone interested, this was my reaction to an exabition of of Harry Callahan's photographs of his wife I went to see at an all night exhibit at the High in Atlanta a few months ago.
Any suggestions would be appriciated, There are places where I feel that I lose rhythm, let me know what you think. Thanks
Comments
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For me, LL, this is very skillfully poetic art criticism, a poet's wondering if another artist could see "Eleanor" in a more "biased, a personal light...", allowing her "focus" to "leap out" from the canvas with all her "mores, corrections, words / and faulted attitudes" - in other words, her essential individuality as a woman, a person, an ambiguously human being. If that's what you intended in this imaging of the painting at hand, I like it all very much. It has grace, style, flourish, whose brushstrokes "can be seen only from the corner of the eye..."
And those final three lines, their metaphorical purifying down to her fundamentals, is original and very sharply written, as well as true: in this context, love IS secondary.
"purging fire" isn't bad at all, but your instincts might be right, it is a bit of a cliche. Perhaps "outrageous fire" might work? with its connotation of a "flame" raging much more furiously? Just a thought. You might also consider replacing all the hyphens with commas to help the poem's flow somewhat more. Again, just a mere opinion. Fine write! and welcome to the site.
Later...
Lad -
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Thanks! really appriciate the comment, its the first intellegent one I've had in longer than i can remember. I like your interpretation of my poem, it interests me. Appriciate the suggestions also, working on them now. Thanks again
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