While walking after midnight
down Duke of Gloucester Street,
a pale and wispy figure
made the scene complete.
I shouted out a greeting
and got one in return
but then the spirit shifted,
graceful as he turned.
He slowly moved in closer
and then began to speak,
"My name is Patrick Henry,
died here just last week."
Through my shock I did reply,
"I've always known your name.
But it's been many years
since the day you passed,
though this street may look the same."
"Then tell me, sir, if you may,
how does the union fare?
Is it firm and holding strong
or does it need repair?"
So I told him all the latest,
the stories of the day,
but he showed no joy,
no hint of pride,
in what I had to say.
Only sorrow showed in him
throughout his lengthy pause.
"Just forget my questions,
all my hopes and visions,
for mine was just a futile cause."
Needing more answers,
I begged of him in vain,
"Is it war in foreign lands
that causes you this pain?"
With a chuckle and a grin
he calmly gestured no
for he had seen many wars
those centuries ago.
"Then is it our poverty,
our healthcare or the crime,
that makes you shake your head
at the present time?"
Again he casually laughed
and said he was in awe
at how healthy we all were,
our riches, and our law.
"Then tell me, Mister Henry,
what has troubled you so?
For I cannot move along
until I finally know."
With a heavy groaning sigh
he shared what caused his pain.
To my genuine surprise
it was our Presidential campaign.
"Ahhh,
the anger, lies, and venom
spewed from mouth to mouth
have disappointed you,
our forefather from the south."
"Don't be silly!" he shot back,
"Twas far less docile in my day!
It's just the people running
that leads to my dismay.
Now, honestly man!
Take a look at each name
and you will see what I see.
Not a single one
that is worthy of such fame.
A woman, a negro,
and a Spaniard named McCain???
No wonder I cry!
No wonder I weep!
This nation's gone insane!"
And thus he drifted off
muttering as he grieved
And I merrily walked along,
pleased with what we've achieved.
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So... what do you think?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Excellent
A great write, very pertinent to today and yesterday.
Very entertaining. Nice twist at the end. Excellent grammar. great meter and accent. a couple of stanzas were rhythmically just a bit off, but that's nit picking.
All in all I see great potential in yourpoetry. Keep up the good work.
~Rich
. Rewarded 6
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Thanks for the comment and I am glad you liked it! Like I said, it was for fun and very light hearted, without much focus on the minute details of the form. Sort of like a "playing around" poem, so the fact that you enjoyed it and liked the ending is great. Thanks again!
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Great work Mark, it left some goose pimpels as well as a smile and partly I felt like on a roller coaster and really enjoyed this entertaining story, put in perfect meter and examplary language. Well, the teacher shows!
I gladly look forward to read more of you! Thanks! Ulla -
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and share your thoughts. As always, it is greatly appreciated!
I am glad you enjoyed it.
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A Ghost Will Turn In His Grave.
For a closer peek at this thoroughly enjoyable piece, Mark. You say it s not one of your more serious poems, but though it has a light-hearted levity to its charming gait you do, in my opinion, take a great crack at historical relativism.
As a history buff I am always intrigued about how different are the moulds of mental makeup defining persons living in various periods.
One epochs ´s loon is another´s retrospective visionary, while even far-sighted liberals can appear positively chauvenist, sexist, racist and myopic in the luxury of blinkered hindsight.
This poem would work exceptionally well as an educational tool to prime pupils both on aspects of prosody aswell as historical contexts juxtaposing our own times. (As a teacher it wouldn´t surprise me if you had!)
The build up and the twists along the way are so much fun in fact that the piece warrants a higher level of exactitude from your quill if you forgive me for saying, Mark.
Some of the stanzas wearing a fifth line need not be so overly dressed, fex in stanza 4, you could have something along the lines of:
Through my shock I did reply,
"I've always known your name.
Though you passed away years ago,
This street may look the same."
I won´t offer any more suggestions as I have no doubts whatsoever that you could find something appropriate. Perhaps others might be altered without ruining them or depleting their meaning.
Loved the jocular brashness of this stanza in particular, Mark:
"Then tell me, sir, if you may,
how does the union fare?
Is it firm and holding strong
or does it need repair?"
The quip about McCain being a Spaniard was a good laugh also! Yeah. Good stuff.
Mucho regards
gGhost of gGandhi
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks so much for taking this careful and detailed look at my poem. I am glad you liked it so much and I am grateful for your suggestions. I agree that those stanzas could use some tweaking and it is very likely I will go back and do some editing on this sometime soon. When I do so, these comments and reviews are going to be a real asset. Thanks so much for taking the time to do this, and I wish you and yours the very best!
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Mark, this is one song Dylan doesn't have to write...
because you wrote it for him. And this is not taking anything away from this delightful piece of folklore, american history. It didn't take more than the first couple of lines and I was reminded of a Dylan song from his album John Wesley Hardin, the first line I remembered but couldn't come up with the rest so I googled it and it's "As I walked out one morning / to breathe the air around Tom Paine's / I spied the fairest damsel / That ever did walk in chains." You have the same jauntiness and humor in your lines and the same rhyme scheme. You could set a 3 chord progression to it and come up with a folk ballad. Your piece's rhyme scheme is not forced, seems very natural. Very entertaining, Cheers, MJ. Rewarded 8
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Hi, Mark. This was a Yankee Doodle Dandy of a piece. The careful rhyme and line constructions lend it an old tyme atmosphere that is perfect for channeling the ghosts of forefathers past. I also appreciated the sentiment-- we become so bogged down, fretting over the state of the world when in fact, things have actually greatly improved. There's a piece someone wrote in an editorial column I read a few years ago in which someone was lamenting the bygone days, when children could sleep on the porch in the summer because it was so safe, and prayer was allowed in school, etc. Someone else wrote a rebuttal that pointed out children used to sleep on the porch because it was so bloody hot in the summer and there was no air conditioning, and that, yes, while there was prayer in school, white children attended one school, and black children another. So we should think long and carefully before pining for times lost.
Cheers,
Pie
. Rewarded 8
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Many thanks for the kind and supportive review! I am glad you enjoyed the poem and could flow with its vibe. It was fun to write and satisfying to know others are having fun reading it.
All my best....
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good
that was pretty good. i loved how it was simple yet interesting and fun. it even educated me a lil lol i kept me intrigued from begining to end. i sometimes drifted away from it being a poem to a short story -which is not a bad thing. matter of fact
i shall refer to it as a short shoemif you dont mind!!
. Rewarded 4
Goin 2 Ashes
March 12