I will drop down
And give you forty
Sir, yes sir
One drill sergeant
Two drill sergeant
Three drill sergeant
I will polish my boots
Every night sir
Until they’re spit shined
Like mirrors
Sir, yes sir
I will stand at parade rest
And face the flag
And when you pass
I will salute
Sir, yes sir
I will go
Wherever I’m told
To fight
I will kill
The enemy
Whoever you say
The enemy is
Sir, yes sir
I will go on patrol
With no protective body armor
Or vehicle armor
Sir, yes sir
I will return to
The battlefield
After the V.A
Trains me to use
My prostetic limbs
Sir, yes sir
I will return home
In a body bag
To an all expenses paid
Funereal and burial
Sir, yes sir
Comments
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Military
So, is it a bash on the military or a poem, that doesn't bash....?language: 1, rhythm: 2, subject: 4, tone: 1, form: 1.
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hey X
this is a poem (not of the, roses are red, variety that you may be more familiar with) that isn't about bashing the military but about how the grunts, the low ranking soldiers are brainwashed and sent to die so that people in power can exploit them for their own gain.
its takes a level of social awarness to put a large segment of poetry into context so it can be understood properly.
thanks for commenting
dave
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Hey Dave, just before this one, I read Lad's war poem, and a post-apocalyptic piece by John. War is a big subject that must be addressed in poetry, especially in an election year.
Your piece reminds of me some of the work done by the WWI poets, like Wilfred Owen or Siegfried Sassoon. The repetition is perfect to convey the mindless obedience that is expected of military personnel. It doesn't take long to get to the terrifying parts. My blood ran cold at, "I will kill the enemy whoever you say he is."
Lauren
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Chilling.
Angry, this, rightly streamed into concrete images... you capture in a few verses the obedience-training process - it's not that different from training dogs, is it??? - by which someone loses their mind in the military machine. Good theme, simply told. Regards RA -
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hey ra
this is a lot simpler than feminomics. i suppose that unqustioned obedience is necessary in a military so that being said the leadership in that military better have a just cause before they send the dogs out. like the very last option for self-preservation. in our case this was an unjust war of choice and a terrible misuse of blind loyalty.
dave -
hey RA
agreed we are wired differently and its possbile for men to hav casual sex where as you note women know the "emotional cost" that being said women are more careful who they sleep with and maybe what they'e holding out for is that they're emotional needs will be met if they do decide to sleep with someone. i also believe women are frateranal and will come to other womens aid to make sure she is being treated fairly and getting those needs met. i understand women and their plight (sort of) and dont' think were necessarily in disagreement.
dave
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Sad, but true.
How true. Soldiers are expected to to whatever they are told, no matter how idiotic. I take it you've been in the military? It seems so. Your poem aptly describes what the recuiting posters never tell the young people who sign up.
language: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5.
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hey LJ
thanks for commenting it is ironic that soldiers who do the fighting and the dying arent' allowed an opinion as to why they're fighting.
dave
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universal
i have written someting along the same lines........really enjoyed your view point to all this\e senseless killing and applaud you for being brave enough to say it -
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hey ladydrarf
thanks for commenting, lets hope with the upcoming election this senseless war will end.
dave
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Provocative and topical. More between the lines than most. And I always welcome a powerful message.
Good dialogue in the piece too.
I don't know if you know, that some armies' platoons were sent in without artillery, while some have to buy their own uniforms -- I don't know which but one of these applies to the Australian army.
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thanks exo
i'm sure what you say about platoons with no ammo is true. i'll bet if you asked the pro-war people for a sur-tax to fund the troops with ammo they'd say no. which proves no one believes this war was necessary
btw-bush just met with austrailian prime minister in support of war only they lack the support from the people in their respective countries.
dave
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I can't even begin to comment on this...
Powerful Dave
I am so over war..inncocent man and women dying.
JUST LEAVE everyone to their own problems...fight the battles on your home grounds not in other countries.
I have lost family becuase of war...I never want to lose another and I know given the world we live in today, i rpobably will...to a, to me, pointless War!!
Okay rant over lol
This was just perfect dave, in that it said all it needed to say...the strength that was needed behind the words is there.
And mostly I was just left with chills at how truthful this is..
Thanks for sharing this one
Cindy
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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hey cin cin
our awful pres. just met with the austrialian prime minister as allies of this senseless war, as you note. but they get the support of their people who know the whole thing is B.S
thanks for commenting...your Cinfully delicious.
dave -
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hmmm yes I know, which is probably where more of my anger came from lol
Our prime minister...well we are all happy to have him as our new one...the last was slowly destroying australia...
anyway he pretty much not long ago offically started in parliment he has with the rest of the parliment people, got a budget for australia to do...One of the most important things in my opinion..
Yet instead he's going off on a 17 day world wide ----holiday, in my opinion...and most of australia thinks its inapproproate for him to be taking off out of the country for so long when he has so much at home needed to be done....
anyway I'm ranting again.
I like the CinfullyDelicious...mIght change it to that lol
Just felt like something new
Cin
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DAVID!!!!
You knew this would catch my attention!!! So I would read it?! But anyways Dave this is strong and extremly powerful! I enjoyed this. Yes, some of ours lives were taken however, there are a few of us who slipped from the death's grip. While reading this it was very "emotional" for me. With me still being active (duty), it struck me. Actually, to be truthful with you it struck me hard, as well as deep. This poem definatly should be dedicated to all who's lives were lost and those who are struggling to keep it! This poem has an intriguing poem. It truly did draw me in, and hopefully that was what you were looking/aiming for. If so you deserve extraordinary props!!! I congratulate you! I hope that after writing this poem, and going through the multiple ups and downs and experiences in the service, this too has touched you in some form.
To be honest with you this poem was great, however I was unaware of the negitive outcome!!! Good job though!
By the way what you do mean you didn't date yourself?
Brooklyn
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hye brook
thanks, look if were going to expect total dedication and obedience to a cause from soldiers like yourself than we better make sure its a just and worthwhile cause. i believe that iraq was no threat to us and that the loss of 4000 of our finest is for naught.
dating yourself is like when you say i remember say a song of a tv show thats old, which means your old. of course old is relative.
dave
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Very powerful, Dave. I am a bit toungue tied on this. Having lost two close friends in Iraq, and having 3 other friends and a cousin (more like a little brother) over there now, this one is quite emotional for me. Almost to the point where I lose objectivity. It is not good emotional or bad emotional, but a mix of both. Still, I wanted to comment because it was a featured poem and I hate the idea of reading something and then going right past it. I think the fact that this one hits so deep in my gut says a lot about your writing, too. I apologize for not being more constructive than that, but I am also confident you understand how it is hard for me to comment on this one as just a "reader", or at least one who is objective.
Just editing a little bit here because I wanted to be clear that this is not a "negative" reaction... I was afraid that comment sounded like I was upset or something. It is simply a case of it being way too personal and emotional to handle in any sort of composed way.
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hey mark
i'm sorry about the loss of your friends for what i feel is an unnecssary and fruitless cause.
if can connect with someone emotionally thats much more important than an objective deconstruction. cliche but poetry should be more of heart than of head.
you come across as a real unpretentious person.
dave
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The horror and profound idiocy of institutional obedience, dave - that's what I feel in this tight, sharp poem. Those poor kids over there - joining the military for all kinds of reasons, then filled up with phony patriotism and macho fury, all the way to their own destruction, and for what? I don't blame them too much, they're just barely out of adolescence, most of them, and I see that your poem doesn't blame them too much either.
I sense that what you're deriding here is the whole military complex: the dumb bravado and necessary obedience to their superiors all the way up to that jerk in the White House, who says he's "not at all bothered" by the continuing war. What a goddam mess he's gotten us into, and it's the grunts in the field who pay the price, all the way to 4000 come home in their "body bag" and 30,000 wounded.
Sir, yes, sir, all for American imperialism and its leaders' fattening wallets. No wonder Obama's minister says what he says.
Good poem, sad and true.
Lad -
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hey lad
as usual you cut right to the chase.
the sad thing is the blind obediance is vieved as a healthy positive attitude that will make a person better and stronger. better and stronger for who?
dave
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Brainwashing
Unusually stark for you, Professor, hardly a trace of humour, black or any other colour, in this one. Making men shout responses is a brainwashing excercise. The subconscious listens to what we say and conditions us accordingly. It's not really interested in what other people say to us. The army know this so they bully us into conditioning ourselves for them. People should learn to shout 'Sir, no sir, fuck you sir' where they believe it's appropriate. -
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hey john
strarks a good word due to the situation. brainwashing is the root of all evil, as this war was all hype.
dave
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Incredible.
I saw somewhere that 4,000 american soldiers have fallen in Iraq...all in their body bags. I don't even think an expense paid funeral and burial has any point. I suppose the sad part of it all is that these was a war that the world wasn't convinced was worth taking. So there is a perspective in which one wonders if it was something worth those lives. The bare form and the repetition of "sir, yes sir" made this poem effective in delivering its thoughts...it bites. In a few stanzas you seem to have narrated the life of a soldier. There is poignancy in here Dave. I like it when you write humorously, but when you want to make a point, you make it bare and straightforward.
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hey iphios
thanks for commenting. the disquisting thing is this war was purely hype, we'ed already bombed iraq back to the stone age 10 years ago.
dave
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I just read this article on Iraq war. Apparently a big difference between the war in Iraq and the ones before is that, in Iraq, soldiers have left a sea of electronic communication telling their loved ones, and the world at large about the state of things through emails or logs or journals. It's very very moving.
A lot like your poem. I am reading one of your poems after quite some time. And you have packed a lot of emotion in your words which is as biting as your humour is. -
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hey himanshumodi
thanks for commenting, the war is all hype, and that four-thousand soldiers had to die is sickening.
dave
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Sir, no sir...
That's the name of a movie, a documentary about Vietnam war resisters who were in the service. It's been out for about a year, I was supposed to be interviewed for it but was in China at the time. It was the first mass demonstration of disobedience from military people, people who refused to say 'sir, yes sir' anymore and was a strong factor in ending the war because these people had been there and had the courage to say how it actually was over there. That's not going on now, though I think the awareness of how wrong the Bush war is is starting to spread through the military. I just watched a DVD last night called "Battle for Haditha" if you see it you should take a look, it's the best thing I've seen about the realities of the war in Iraq.
This poem does tell it the way it is, the way it shouldn't be. Nothing wasted, right to the point. Good job, MJ -
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thanks mj
anyone with a brain knows the war was all hype we'd already bombed iraq back into the stone age. the soldliers should go home enmasse. the people would back them up.
dave
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