Do you remember me?
The one who fought,
Against your wrongs.
Do you remember me?
The one who always fell,
But nevers stayed down.
Do you remember me?
The one you killed,
Or at least tried.
Do you remember me?
The only one who really knew,
Knew the truth from the lies.
Do you remember me?
The one you loved,
The one who hated you.
What do you think, be harsh
Comments
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like i said, you have an amazing talent and no one can compare to you. good luck
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Hi, aj, and welcome to the site.
First off, I like this poem; it has a kind of songlike lyrical structure to it, and its repetitions would work just as well if set to music as it does here without a tune.
All the lines are tight, and yet they're filled with dramatic conflict: the poem seems to be a way for the poet to get back at someone who's been extremely hurtful and destructive. And the poet saw through all "the lies" that were disguised as "the truth". I like that sharp tone in it, and that final, honest "hated". It doesn't hold back; it says what it wants to say with rightful revenge.
Good poem. I have no suggestions for any revisions in it. It works well for me in its plain-out strong emotions and wording. I enjoyed that honesty.
Later...
Lad
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