Parody of I Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You by Franki Valli and the Four Seasons
You’re just to fat to go through
Can’t get my arms around you
You’re like jelly to touch
Because you weigh so much
That extra-large pizza has arrivd
the delivery guy barely made it out alive
You’re just too fat to go through
Can’t get my arms around you.
At your ass you stare
To thin people you can’t compare
Your reflection makes you gag
Because off your diet you slag
Depressed it makes you feel
All that cellulite is real
You’re just too fat to be true
Can’t get my arms around you.
Oh, heavy baby;
that double chin ain’t going away
Oh heavy baby,
Don’t sit on me when I say
Oh heavy baby
You’re too fat; I said it before
Oh heavy baby
Don’t fall through the floor,
Oh heavy baby
Eating the day away
Oh heavy baby
Don’t sit on me, I pray
I hate you, baby,
I just hate you.
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Author notes
I wrote this because I needed a good laugh at my own expense. I'm heavy myself, and since I had no one else to insult, I insult myself.
I was thinking about childhood and how me and my friends used to make up song parodies to insult the kids we didn't like. We were cruel. But I hope this makes all of you laugh. My negativity and cruelty has to go somewhere. Some comedian once said not to insult other people unless you can make fun of yourself first. So here it goes. Race you to Baskin Robbins!
Comments
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First off, ladyjane, I'm glad you're on the site. Welcome! And I admire your plain-out honesty about yourself; you'll fit in well among all us nutty poets here!
Now this terrific parody of a great old song. Your take on that famous tune is easily as good as Weird Al could possibly do. In fact, I think it's even better than he could come up with. I laughed and hummed my way all through your lyrics twice; what a delight of invention and true comedy it is. Very nice work.
And yet, inside my laughter I felt a kind of sadness on the part of the poet. I hope I'm not far off on that thought, but that's what I felt, and it made the poem even more appealing, because of its absolute honesty of feeling under the words.
I believe that all true comedy has an undertone of sadness, even cynicism in it, and that's what makes a comic's routines all the more human and funny. You have all that in spades in this one, ladyjane. I delighted in every word! And that 3rd stanza is a masterpiece of drollery, in my humble opinion.
I'll be checking back for more of your work...later...
Lad -
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Thank you! I'm glad it brightened your day. Like I said, I'm fat, too. And I had to make fun of something. (Looks at herself in the mirror and points to hereself) HA! HA! (said in Nelson from the Simpsons voice).
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