If i should die before i wake
you’ll know that life was hard to take
and if my soul shall cease to be,
I hope you’ll all remember me.
My mind is screaming
my heart does bleed,
I know there’s something missing i need.
so when i die,
the pain will go,
don’t miss me long,
don’t let it show,
Death is sweet
and sorrow great
when pain is gone
and life is late.
Disgusting butchery...or clever recreation?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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I dont think I have ever read the real version of this. This is about suicide? Everything seemed to fit well, except for line seven. For some reason it doesn’t flow. I think it is too long maybe; has too many syllables. Other than that, its fine. But thats just my opinion… Steffeny
. Rewarded 4
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REALLY GOOD
I love it very creative. I like the last ending to it. the second line i didn’t like. It didn’t make sense but hte poem itself i love.. Rewarded 1
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i think
it is an awsome inprovement -
Morbid but
Well done. I am sure that some are horrified by it, but I think that you express something very valid by beginning it with something so familiar as a childs prayer. Not my favorite type of write just because it is so sad, but you do a good job with expressing the topic. This could be taken as a suicide poem, but it also reflects the occasional excruciating pain all humans walk through from time to time.
Well written.. Rewarded 1
Steffeny
August 19, 2005
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