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A Touch of Innocence


The dawns, I have experienced, have been few
I am, by nature, a late riser
Preferring the waking hours of a cat.

But on those biannual occasions
When of free will, with no enforced purpose,
Groggy-eyed I gaze
As the sun floods the retreating darkness
With color,
And washes clean the heavens of astral dust
And lunar madness

I, possessor of mercurial temperament
And caustic tongue,
The cynic of the witching hour,
Stand and marvel at the grass beneath
Freshly fallen dew.

Once again reworking some older pieces. Should this be pitched?

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews


  • skipeople
    March 31, 2008

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    Not at all

    You have something great at hand here, I think. The first verse is a good hook, it brought me in and the rest just flowed along with it. It's a nice piece.

    You shouldn't pitch it,
    Ashley

    . Rewarded 4


  • iphios
    March 31, 2008

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    Hi eosmia,
    I enjoyed this poem. The images and language use is hypnotic and clear. I don't think you should pitched it. I like how you set up the tone of being a night owl/cat at the first stanza, it further reiterates the fact that this dawn waking is special. This poem made me recall dawns and how it felt like witnessing it, the dew and the cold air. You drew a lovely picture here. Though i did find the commas on the first stanza disruptive in flow. I found them unnecessary. But that's just my opinion. Good read. See you around.

    -iphios

    . Rewarded 8


  • Windhover
    April 1, 2008

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    Panache

    Eosmia, I think you've been rather daring with the style of this and you've pulled it off wonderfully in my humble opinion. It has the air of a Tennyson or a Wordsworth or a Keats, great panache and authority. Yet it has an impish humour to it at the same time, that humour aimed at the poet herself, which balances what might almost be a haughtiness about the poem wonderfully well. And it just works. It can be a huge mistake to try to write 'poetically' - so many make a complete hash of it. Yet, having set out your stall, it would have been pure folly to back away from it mid-stream and I just think you carried it through with a great sense of balance, panache and humour. No mean feat. I really, really enjoyed it. >W<

    . Rewarded 8


  • Schwa...Ugh
    April 16, 2008

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    this is quite amazing. in my opinion, you absolutely should not pitch this. its beautiful! please keep it.

    . Rewarded 4