A broad green leaf
gathers crystal globes
from the looming shadows,
holding their full weight
upon its arching back.
Then one last drop,
the tiniest of all,
lands without a sound
and it crumbles,
limp with despair.
The rains shall pass.
The sun shall reign once more.
But still we wonder
as we mourn the fallen leaf...
will it rise again?
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Author notes
I was driving to Home Depot for a bolt, thinking about metaphors in general, and this popped into my head. What odd things happen while driving to Home Depot... lol
So... what do you think?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great imagery.
First of all, I enjoy how the background and the text add to the imagery. I have one question though. Why do we mourn the fallen leaf? I understand it's a metaphor, but until the last stanza, we were not introduced. It doesn't really make much sense, meaning-wise. It's still a strong poem on it's own because of the imagery and the flow, in my opinion, but to me, it does not have much of a meaning. I marked the poem down in subject because to me, the meaning of a poem is essentially the subject of the poem, in a non-concrete way.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 5.
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i think more people should take trips to your home depot!
lol
but really, i think this is awesome and beautiful -
you are one of the most poetic guys i know.
there are a number of guys that i admire in sharepoetry...and, as i slowly discover your poems, you are getting to be one of them...
i like the way you described the rain this way...how the raindrops burden the gentle leaf that is about to fall...it makes me feel the emotions behind the poem...the rain for me are like the problems that we face everyday, a newly discovered illness, a dying sister, a very sick friend...and when these problems do land on our backs, we always wonder if we will we ever stand up again the same way after the fall? yes, the sun may shine, life moves on...but, will we be able to recover fully from the raindrops that have made us fall to the ground?
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you so much for that wonderful compliment, leigh! I see you have left a few comments here for me today, and I appreciate them all. Today has been a great day on SharePoetry. Even though it is only Tuesday, it has already been an amazingly stressful week. One of those Tuesdays when you wake up wondering how you'll get to Friday. Then, I had a series of very nice notes on here... and now yours just makes my day. I am so glad you enjoyed the poem and you definitely got the feeling I was trying to convey in it. You were spot on with your impressions. The kind words could not have come at a better time, though, so thank you very much for your genuine support.
All my best to you and yours...
Mark
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This is such a wonderful, deep and touching poem Marc, introducing me to everything of creature moving in a circle. The metaphor is so meaningful and gives me trust and confidence. Like the fallen water drop will go its way and some day falls down from the sky again, the fallen leaf will get rotten, nourish the tree and proudly sit on a fresh twig just reborn, same our life moves in this circle from birth to the end only to be found in another life. So if we look at this clearly we find out that it is not just a circle but the move is upwards in a spirale, so with each fall we will rise and be lifted up again and this is such a strengthening thought. I am sure that there is even much more to understand from this great read, thank you for a perfect piece of poetry plus meditation. Ulla xx
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Thanks, Ulla. I am flattered by your kind words and supportive comments. I do like this one quite a bit myself, not only for the message it may convey but the way it was born out of a most ordinary moment in my daily life. As always, you thoughts are greatly appreciated.
-- Mark
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This little meditation on a leaf strikes me, nicely, as an expanded haiku, Mark: a brief glance at a trivial bit of nature in ending rain becomes, in the poet's imaginative contemplation, a source of wonderment about our very human rising, falling, then - maybe - rising again. Nice miniature work for me to enjoy, with just-right brief and visual lines. I especially like how the poem moves along from a leaf, to a last drop of rain, to the leaf's falling, to us.
My only suggestion is with the second stanza's third and fourth lines. That "it" seems, grammatically, to refer to the drop as you have it now, but I know that you intended "it" as the leaf. Perhaps this might work more clearly for those two lines:
lands soundless on the leaf
and it crumbles
Just a minor thought, Mark. For me, this is a lovely and thoughtful poem on how fragile that leaf, and we, are.
Later...
Lad
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Thanks, Lad. Yeah, I noticed the same problem with that "it" but couldn't find a solution that satisfied. Your suggested change seems to help it a bit, though. If nothing else, I am glad the suggestions are starting to be things I already thought about myself, rather than total surprises I never even noticed. Thanks again for the advice and support, and I am glad you enjoyed this little one. All my best...
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Hi Mark ---
Okay, I think the most important line of the poem, for me, is "upon its arching back" - it is the line which personifies the leaf, makes the metaphor clear: This is not simply a leaf but a person. There is a clear reference to Atlas here - holding a "globe" on his "arching back".
I think the versification is very suitable here, too. I wonder though, could you perhaps use enjambement a little more, hang the end of each verse onto the beginning of the next one to create a sense of tension - let the reader rest on the penultimate line of the stanza like the drop on the leaf, then allow them to fall off?
Are the 'crystal globes' a little too beautiful to represent life's problems, or do you feel that their beauty is sufficiently eclipsed by the fact that they are from 'looming shadows'?
I like the focus of the poem - it is as clear as the image that you have added as an epigraph.... which is why I feel that the last stanza doesn't fit... it suddenly zooms away from the leaf and introduces a new figure: a 'we'. The poem seems to lose it's clarity at this point, not in terms of its message - that remains clear - that there is the possibility of re-emerging, stronger, from a 'fall', but in terms of its intricate focus.
I would be tempted to lose the last stanza and replace it with a dash at the end of the second stanza. Do not close the second stanza with such unanswerable finality, leave it open, leave the possibility that the 'leaf' could 'resurrect' itself:
A broad green leaf
gathers crystal globes
from the looming shadows,
holding their full weight
upon its arching back.
Then one last drop,
the tiniest of all,
lands without a sound
and it crumbles,
limp with despair -
Hope this seems helpful, constructive, etc.
Liam x -
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Liam - Thank you for these in depth and constructive comments. This is very helpful and I like the ideas you have suggested. I was also a bit torn by using "we" at the end... I really wanted to have that doubt about the leaf rising again, like the times we question whether we'll get over our troubles, but could not design a way to do it without bringing a human observer into the poem. The enjambement is also an interesting idea for a technique I had not even considered. As much as I always love flowing praise, I also greatly appreciate the supportive dose of advice you have shared with me here. It provides the guide to strengthening my own writing. Thank you very much for taking the time to offer such valuable comments.
All my best to you and yours....
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Amazing
I love it! It fits right on in with life too. It always turns out to be the little things that make us fall, for the most part. But the thing about it is, most grow stronger afterwards, so I'd have to say the leaf will rise again.
The goes along with romanticism, it being about nature and all. I think it is nice, as well, because people can relate to the leaf. Anyone could take the leafs place and the rain could be symbolic for all sorts of things.
Well done,
Ashley
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Thanks for the kind comments, Ashley. I am glad you enjoyed it and glad you got the metaphor out of it.
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wow!!
this is a terriic piece of poetry!
I love leaves in general(you can see that in my name and so i loved this poem all the more.The pic you have added adds to th beauty of the poem.It is well written and has flown out perfectly.
Good work mark!
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thanks for your thoughts. It is ironic how it fits so perfectly with your name on here. I swear I did not plan it! lol
I really do appreciate the time spent on reading and commenting, though. Thanks.
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