I see your face,
I see your smile.
You're sleeping,
only sleeping.
You hold the hand
of your first child.
She's weeping,
silence dies.
You picked a stick,
but it was short.
Now there you lay
on your deathbed.
The cancer, there,
it eats you away,
yet you do not wander
from all that is life.
A stray hair falls
upon your face.
No hand
brushes it aside.
We hold our breath
to give you air.
Breathe for us,
just breathe.
The clock ticks
as the time is read.
Half past grief,
you're prenounced dead.
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Reviews
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ski, this is so tastefully done that it strikes into me quite hard. I stood over my mother's deathbed a couple years ago, and the memory is still strongly with me; your poem brings that helpless feeling all back, and that's a good thing. I like this poem very much, because it doesn't try to be clever, doesn't try to fly around in the cosmos for a meaning of death - it plainly says what is very hard to say from the heart at such a bed of death of a loved one.
For me, all of it is gentle and touching, but those last two stanzas are especially terrific: holding breath so she might breathe again; and "half past grief" is one of the most original images I've ever seen for the inevitable march of death into a life.
No baloney in this poem, Ashley; a very fine write for me to take in, and that "silence dies" is like a total phrase to feel the power of death. GOOD poem; it's emotionally honest, the best kind of writing about an emotional situation. Hats off to you...
Later...
Lad -
So Sad...
It is a great poem and I truly feel for you. We are tested in our life with many trials. Many of these trials are hard and scar us emotionally. It is nice to have a creative outlet to decompress and let out our feelings in a artful way. You are, in my oppinion, a true poet. You conveyed a strong feeling effecting many poeple throughout the world, but better yet you used your own experiences to further strengthen the emotional quality of the poem. This poem strongly expresses helplessness and greif. You really painted a realistic picture in my mind of loss and the hardships that come with it. I really licked the way that you emphasized time running out. I particularly liked the last two lines, "Half past grief, your pronounced dead." I really thought that those lines relly brought out the finallity of death, that there is an end and time is limited. In my heart I believe you are a fantastic poet. I hope you can come through this and still be standing. Even if you get knocked down, I know you have the strength to get up again. These are powerful words from a powerful poet, a strong emotion from a strong person, and deep thoughts from a deep person. You are strong, you will make it.
Bravo, an amazing poem.
Sarah
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Wow
This was really great. It was sad to hear that your grandmother was dying from cancer. You piece had many emotions in it and I felt everyone as I read through it. When you wrote the line "I see your face" I felt that when you look at a person who is about to die you see a person that you have never seen before. As if they were happy but then sad to leave their family behind. I enjoyed reading your piece. I often write about things when I have a problem so that it can get off my chest. I have learned that if I keep things in and they build up then I will do something again that I regret after I did it. So I learned to write it down.
Very good piece again, very powerful.
Sincerely yours,
Chandra
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hey ski
really fine work here. writing about death is often way overdone (like in the movies) to where it seems manipulative, hence the term "tear jerker" but i found this subtle and dignifyed. 'you picked a stick/but is was short was a great line. also i think the format of centered stanzas enchanced the poem.
dave -
Haunting emotional words here.
A loss is a loss...and it's never easy..we have just lost our dog to cancer...I am sso sorry to hear about this bttle you hve to endure..
But getting it out does help and even though sad I enjoyed the read
Cindy
Lad
April 8, 2008
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