Decease is my muse,
heaven's a lie.
Never again
will my wings spread to fly.
Calling my name,
you hear no response.
Opening the door,
my bleeding arm taunts.
Angered eyes stare,
accusing words said.
What do you think,
me wishing I were dead?
Scars on my arms,
no attempt failed.
Still you don't see
how you have me jailed.
Why don't you believe me?
Why can you not hear?
Questions and answers.
You love, yet you fear.
How shall we get through this
with such lack in trust?
Kicking and screaming,
we both bite the dust.
You pull me in
as I push away.
I never have known you
to this time and day.
How can you expect me
to come out and share
all I am thinking?
This, I can't dare.
Holding out arms,
you see, all can see
this dying relation
between you and me.
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Reviews
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This is a mixed bag for me. The feel of the poem, the emotion of it, was a little heavier and darker than I usually enjoy. I am not sure exactly what it was, but it just felt a little overbearing to me. That being said, I think the writing is really good. I could feel a steady, easy rhythm during the reading and I think you did a nice job choosing words that were powerful and effective. So, as much as I struggled to appreciate the "feeling" of this poem, I praise you for some really good writing.. especially for one of the younger writers in the group. Good work! Keep it up! I look forward to reading more...
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I really like it. Especially the idea and theme.
I know exactly how you feel. I may not know your story but I went through the same thing last year this time.
It'll pass. Just sitck through. And find some way to release all the sadness.
Poetry's always helped me do that
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I really liked this... I, too, have a dying relation with someone...
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hey ski
your the princess of darkness. makes me want to sign a death pact with a hot japanese women where we perform some elaborate make love and slit and our wrists in the bathtub ritual. really enjoyed this.
dave -
I....I....can't believe you tell me I'm good....
Omg! ashley! you are fantastic! every line hits hard every word captivates. I am just floored. this is amazing. you still say it needs work??? whoa man. I can't wait to see what you'd do to it, how can you perfect this sort of perfection???? don't think I'm kidding this is really all that! bravo man. encore!
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4 thumbs up!!(toes included)
um so yea ur poem is like fantastic lol
but forreal i love it..every verse keeps me wanting more..liked how you worded it, basically i really enjoyed it
specially the questions&answer part !!! -
Wow. This is pretty powerful; intense stuff. There are some lines here that really stand out for me, in particular "my bleeding arm taunts" and i felt "this dying relation / between you and me" was a very fitting ending.
Mark McNulty
April 2, 2008
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