Girl,
you are rough around the edges
as they'd put it;
your family and your friends.
Trying to get to know you
is like reaching into a bag
of splintered glass
and saw blades.
Getting to know you
is like trying to wince
your way through the pain
of a numb conversation.
Girl,
you are dragging yourself thin,
tiring the mirror that's sick
of seeing your glum face.
You're making your parents ill
as destruction consumes
their fifteen minutes of fame
that created an inkling of life.
That trembling flesh being you.
Girl,
believing in you is wasting time,
knowing damn well boundaries
will never be drawn into a shape
recognisable.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hi. I finally got myself here to comment. There was something captivating(ly) raw about this. Its exposes the person with stark honesty. I remember reading an older poem of yours that had that very same appeal. I think it was about singing in a bar. I can't recall well. The focus of the seemingly imperfection was beautiful. Its that imperfect rhythm we follow that makes things worthy of it all. I don't want to say much. The use of "girl" sparingly added poignancy to this. I can almost here it as a song played slowly in guitar and breaking voice. I can't imagine it to be sang any other way. Or that's probably my bias. Anyway, beautiful poem. Keep Well. You still have 9 (im sure of it).
-iphios -
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Hey, Phige. It's so nice to hear from you.
It does have a similar feel, I think I know which one you're talking about.
It's a song in the making, still rough, but perhaps it is intended that way.
Thank you for commenting
Cat
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Hey Kristen
LoL Stop writing such evil things, I hope this poem here isn't about yourself or I'll have to leap Lake Michigan and come slap ya up. I like what you did with the descriptive words here and the form is great, flow is great, basically everything is great except that I get the feeling that you're talking about yourself. But since you seem to be such an upbeat person when I've talked to you I am instinctly saying don't worry. But if there is anything you would like to talk about you know that I will be here, although I'm usually never on MSN anymore, Please drop by and say something, it's usually on all the time. Hope the weather's improving over there for ya. I wish ya well and rememeber, you're not alone in the world. I'm unhappy LoL. Hope to hear from ya soon.
TTYL
MM
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Ha, hey, Marcus. You know I like to write dark cynical poetry, I can't just stop.
And it is about me. So there. You can't jump the huge lake anyway.
I firmly believe, that in some way, everyone's unhappy all the time. But it's about the good overriding the bad that matters in the long run.
I haven't been having the best time so yeah, naturally, it's reflected in my poetry. Hopefully I'll b able to write something happier.
And it's been too damn long since we've talked!
Thankyou for reading and commenting. Lovely to hear from you.
Kristin -
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HaHa!
Glad to hear you could find the comedy in my comment, which was the way it was intended, It was just my silly way of saying we're all lonely at times of the day/night. Everybody, even if just a second. And it's nice to hear from you as well. I hope that soon things will start to clear up for ya. Hopefully you can soon have a happier outlook, but your right, it's all about the ride, and the ride goes up and down. So it's good to see how it reflects on the things in your life, such as poetry. So it'll be nice to see when you do make that transition to being happy again. Nice to hear from you. Hope to talk again soon.
TTYL
MM
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I really like this... I'm not sure what it is about it...
"Trying to get to know you
is like reaching into a bag
of splintered glass
and saw blades."
I've known more than a few people like that... -
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Hey there, Sahar. Yes, I know a few people like this as well. But I often like to think that the harder it is to get to know someone, the bettr it is when you finally do.
Thanks for commenting
Kristin
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Original, sharp. Synth - etic.
Hello Little Flower. This is sharp, in many ways. Lots to admire here. I loved the bag of broken glass and saws, the tired mirror, the pain of a 'numb conversation', all cracking analogies and all fresh and original. You have a voice and a talent.
I'd drop the second 'getting to know you' as being unneccessary and distracting, suggesting a theme that won't materialize.
There something not quite right about the penultimate stanza, like you're trying to supply more information than the reader needs or the verse can supply in the short space given.
And I felt the need for a qualifying word with ' boundaries' in the last stanza. Whose or what boundaries?
But overall, another outstanding write from you. >W<
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