I look down upon
my khaki leg,
smiling,
at that faded
coffee-brown stain,
thinking of Melissa
and the honeydew
moon.
Author notes
Another short one... much like my poem that was called "bicycle" and now goes by "longing". The title may not stay on this one... just the best I had at the moment. I think this was fueled by reading "Love That Dog" to my 4th graders, today. I don't know... it just came into my head so I put it down and I liked it. Hopefully others might find some value/meaning in this little guy, too.
So... what do you think?
Comments
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I love the progression of colour imagery in this poem, from the dark (and slightly depressing, IMO) khaki, to the soft, warm tone of coffee, to the pastel, light, sweet feel of hondeydew. Your use of colour really came alive to me through this write, good job.
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Wow, Mark! I really liked this one.
The title gives an impression of what it the poem will be like, and then you read the poem and it's nothing like the title suggests. I really like this one. It's short and simple, but I enjoy reading it. I like sounding out the rhymthn in my head and the way the words fit together.
Amazing job, Mark.
-Colin -
I liked it
An intriguing split between reality and fantasy. Staring at the coffee stain while your mind is completely somewhere else, “thinking of Melissa and the honeydew moon”
Good read
Bill
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Hey Mark
I thought this was a nice little reminder of a picture or a nice way of capturing a memory by something like a stain, or perhaps a metaphor for a memory would be a stain. Perhaps that was your intent? Or perhaps you're just noticing it now that I'm saying it LoL there are many many possibilities. But overall I enjoyed the conciseness of the poem. Is that even a word: conciseness?? Anyways hope to talk to ya later.
TTYL
MM
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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