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Stained

I look down upon
my khaki leg,
smiling,
at that faded
coffee-brown stain,
thinking of Melissa
and the honeydew
moon.



So... what do you think?

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Reviews


  • marcusmoore
    April 17, 2008

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    Hey Mark

    I thought this was a nice little reminder of a picture or a nice way of capturing a memory by something like a stain, or perhaps a metaphor for a memory would be a stain. Perhaps that was your intent? Or perhaps you're just noticing it now that I'm saying it LoL there are many many possibilities. But overall I enjoyed the conciseness of the poem. Is that even a word: conciseness?? Anyways hope to talk to ya later.

    TTYL
    MM

    . Rewarded 8


  • William McGarvey
    April 21, 2008

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    I liked it

    An intriguing split between reality and fantasy. Staring at the coffee stain while your mind is completely somewhere else, “thinking of Melissa and the honeydew moon”

    Good read
    Bill

    . Rewarded 4


  • Colin Night
    June 6, 2008
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    Wow, Mark! I really liked this one.
    The title gives an impression of what it the poem will be like, and then you read the poem and it's nothing like the title suggests. I really like this one. It's short and simple, but I enjoy reading it. I like sounding out the rhymthn in my head and the way the words fit together.
    Amazing job, Mark.
    -Colin

    . Rewarded 6

  • jocelynclaire
    June 9, 2008

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    I love the progression of colour imagery in this poem, from the dark (and slightly depressing, IMO) khaki, to the soft, warm tone of coffee, to the pastel, light, sweet feel of hondeydew. Your use of colour really came alive to me through this write, good job.

    . Rewarded 6